How to know when you’re done having kids?

Question

I’m pregnant with my second and I will have a boy and a girl. I love children and the thought of already being done with having kids is crazy to me since I’ve only done it twice and I’m only 27. Seems like such a short blip. All I’ve ever wanted was to be pregnant and be a mom etc. But I also don’t know if my husband and I actually want to keep going? It’s so hard obvi and takes so many years of sacrifice PER KID. Kinda just want my body back to myself and not have to go through all these rough patches all over again for a 3rd/4th time not to mention all the relationship sacrifices that are hard on our marriage. But I’m afraid I will regret not having more. My question is, how did you know you were done? And even if it was the right choice to stop, is it normal to still feel a little like you wished you could have had more?

Answer

My oldest was 3 when we got our second. And having a small taste of the freedom an older child gives makes it a bit harder to have a baby again imo. 
Im also terrible at being pregnant and giving birth, so that helps a lot. I really dont wanna do either again. And as much as I cry knowing my second who is about to be a year is my last baby, im also equally excited to be over the baby stage and looking forward to be over shit with breatsfeeding, naps, leaps and all sorts of other things that belongs with baby and toddler stage. 
Also our mental health and relationship wouldn't survive if we always got back into the baby stage.

Answer

I feel like you know when you but but it will also be hard. I currently am almost 27 and on baby 3. My husband and I never thought we would go over 3 due to what we envision our life being and how expensive everything is. We are also on baby girl 3 out of 3. Part of us wants to try for a boy one more time but the other part doesn’t want to give up the visions of how we want our life to play out. In my case I am taking it day by day. I am not getting on birth control again because my husband has always said he will get a vasectomy. If after 12w postpartum we agree that we both aren’t sure, at that time we will look at options such as birth control again or simply VERY proactive family planning for the last. However, if we both still feel strongly that our future we envision only has three kids in it. He will get the vasectomy and we will be sad but move on.

Answer

I think it’s a normal part of life to wonder about the “what ifs” or “what could’ve beens” , but to me I think you just know when you know .. if that makes sense. Don’t rush into making any decisions, like you said you’re only 27. Give it some time & circle back to the question. I thought I only wanted 2. I got pregnant unexpectedly with my third & now I know for sure I want one more & then I’m done. 4 is the max for me but also what I envision wanting for my family to “feel” complete. I love being pregnant, I love being a mom, I love the baby stage. I’m only 25 & I just can’t accept being done with having kids lol, so one more is definitely in the cards for me, but that change of mentality honestly didn’t happen until after I had my third. After my second child was born (at 24) I was very certainly feeling like I was done.

Answer

You could always consider being a surrogate if you decide youre done having kids but you enjoy being pregnant.

How to know when you’re done having kids?

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