When I was younger my mom went through a few bad marriages, she ended up marrying this guy whom she met at a retail job. My mom, myself and my sibling moved into his family home when I was 7. We moved around quite a bit till I turned 12 (and my sibling moved away), they were happy at first together but things went south around the time I turned 12. My mom was an alcoholic and so was he, except my mom got sad when she got drunk (mostly because she was unhappy with her situation but wouldn't leave). They'd work and come home and get drunk and she'd get sad a start arguing and he'd shut down (talking to my stepdad was like talking to a scolded child who just said OK to everything but didn't do much to converse or problemsolve). She'd go to bed upset and he'd stay up with me watching movies, eventually he convinced me he was the innocent one and she was the one starting fights (I was 12). It eventually started where when she went to bed hed stay up and play drinking games with me (truth or dare; hed see who could chug a beer faster; ect). To me it seemed innocent and fun, heck he was the only person who'd actually spend time with me at home without getting mad at me.

He started to enjoy tickle fights after we'd drink and he even dared me to do a lap outside naked (which was when I started feeling unsafe).

The issues with my mom persisted and she'd call me over just to smack me when she was drunk, i eventually moved to another state with my bio dad.

I came back to my mom when I turned 14, I was a heavy Marijuana smoker and so was my stepdad and mom, they let me smoke with them. It took 3 days of being back for my mom to say she wished I never came and that her marriage was great while I was gone (which wasn't true she'd still get drunk and they'd argue). But now at night when she was drunk and sad she'd threaten to runaway and would lay outside in the snow till someone came to get her and if someone didn't she'd come back in and complain how no one loved her. She'd go lay on the snow and would have to be brought back inside several times a night.

They'd throw boxes of wine off the balcony into the woods while arguing, they'd dump liquor down the drain and would fight to stop eachother.

I was homeschooling and was finishing my last couple years of high-school so I had no friends and didn't leave the house much. My stepdad was the closest thing I had to a friend since he'd still stay up and drink and smoke and just chat with me when my mom eventually went to bed.

He would soon (around 14) start asking to see my boobs, and after some persistent asking, i let him (He did the same thing to my sister when she lived with him around 15years old, but she said no).

My mom would get drunk and try to fight me and was convinced I wanted to sleep with her husband; my stepdad broke his arm and she'd hang on his cast while drunk trying to rebreak it; she got arrested for domestic abuse one night after she called the cops drunk on us.

A couple weeks later right after I turned 15 my stepdad asked to sleep with me, and I said yes, he waited till the next day when we weren't drunk but was pretty stoned to ask again. And I still said yes (I just wanted to get it over with, I didn't want to lose my only support/friend, it had been almost 2 years of being alone in that apt with no other friends).

I was shaking the whole time and felt sick to my stomach, I started to hate him afterwards and started to understand how it wasn't just my fault and how a grown man and father should never have done that, but I should've never said yes.

I have a boyfriend now and am close to turning 18, I haven't told anyone except my sister, who told her husband.

I have issues with sex and still get very high on a daily basis, I've cried so many times regretting what I've done with him. But my sisters going through a divorce with an abusive partner and he almost told my mom what my stepdad did, and I think he will. I also wanna be honest with my partner about my past since this causes frequent issues in my life, but I'm afraid my boyfriend will leave me and my mom will kick me out cause I said yes to my stepdad, I know it was wrong for him to do that to a child but I should've never said yes. Aita? What should I do? Would you leave your spouse if you found this out/would u kick me out if I were your kid)