Im sorry this is long/ kind of a rant. This is my 3rd baby. I have a 7 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. My daughter was an infertility baby and I prepared my entire pregnancy and was in a wonderful mental place during my delivery (which was also a VBAC).

This pregnancy was (happily) unexpected.

We had bleeding at 4 weeks and were labeled as a risked miscarriage, we found a subchorionic hematoma around 12 weeks, hemorrhage around 14 weeks and were admitted and told we were gunna lose the baby. We decided not to prepare anything till after viability at 24 weeks. I was on bedrest till 26 weeks when our SCH reabsorbed. Then i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and then at 31 weeks i got sick and was vomiting for 12 hours straight and strained my pelvis and abdominal muscles. I was in and out of L&D and now we believe it triggered severe pelvic girdle pain and im now unable to walk and stand for more than a few minutes. Im still recovering from extreme nausea along with trying to keep my diabetes in control. Today we found out im extremely anemic, even with zofran im barely able to eat 3 meals a day and am dropping weight incredibly fast (15lbs in the last two weeks).

I can barely pick up my toddler, i cant stand long enough to cook real food, i cant clean, when my toddler is napping, im napping. My poor 7 year old has spent all summer inside because i cant do anything.

On top of all of this my husband works across state Monday to Friday so im alone. Hes switching jobs to something local but ill be 35 1/2 weeks when he starts this new job and financially this switch has been difficult.

Im 33 weeks, nothing is set up for baby, he has no diapers, we havent even boughten his car seat yet. All he has is clothes and a place to sleep. I also have to have a medical induction at 38 weeks.

I feel like my mental health is dwindling and im not ready to have another baby. Im terrified of going into labor this time. I dont even know if its possible to feel any better in the next 5 weeks.