How to rekindle our marriage?

Question

My separate husband and I are going on a vacation for a week together. I would want to rekindle our relationship and see if we can work things out. Any advice of how to do so? This trip is only going to be me and him so what can I do? I really do love him but he doesn’t believe that (not good at showing love to anyone). Also, I don’t want to look like a fool and have him think wrong - This is my husband and we both still love each other very much so I don’t see any wrong in trying to rekindle our relationship but I don’t know if this is a man thing but at least my husband personally is a person that wants to go with the flow and when I say rekindle our love or lets work things out /put effort.. he kinda says things like I don’t know what is going to happen in the future or just a simply I don’t know. How can a couple be together again with no efforts? I just want our relationship to be better and get back together. Please let me hear your opinion on how I should go about this.

Answer

"I really do love him but he doesn't believe that (not good at showing love to anyone)" There is where your problem lies. You can't just say I'm not good at showing love, hence I won't do it. For your husband to be interested in working for your marriage he must see what he is working for. It is super frustrating to show someone love and it isn't being reciprocated and you are left guessing that your partner still loves you. Everyone will give up at some point. I have been married since 25 years and my husband and I have different love languages, we learned to cover each others needs. His love language is praise and even if it doesn't mean much to me I try my best to make him feel acknowledge. While he grew up in a society where patriarchy and boys don't show emotions how much more physical contact he tries really hard to come my way. You don't show love to your partner for yourself you do it for them, because you love them. And there is no effortless keeping a marriage going. Every relationship and especially marriage needs effort to keep it going. But the good thing is effort can be made fun by going on dates and spend quality time together

Answer

You can’t be together again if he’s not willing to put on any effort. It’s not gonna work, if he loves you and wants his marriage to work he’ll meet you somewhere where you guys can at least have something to work with. If it’s only you fighting to save the marriage it’s ultimately gonna fail

Answer

A trip isn’t solving your problems. You need counseling.

Answer

I agree with Jaja. I’ll also add that you guys should consider marriage counseling, it helps a lot! I don’t think couples should jump to divorce (unless necessary) without trying everything/giving their full effort; whether that’s doing self-reflection and looking at how you contributed to the separation and changing it, getting counseling, going on date nights, etc. But you can’t just be like “I’m not good at showing love, this is just how I am” and expect him to feel it, understand and/or accept it.

Answer

There's nothing you can do if he's not receptive. Ask him what he needs from you.

How to rekindle our marriage?

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