in other words, break up sex

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She shouldn't have done that.

Fuck, she shouldn't have done that.

She shouldn't have gone to the bar.

Not this bar at least.

The bar where she met him.

She shouldn't have ordered that whiskey.

She definitely shouldn't have ordered another.

She really shouldn't have picked up the phone in her stupor and clicked on his contact. The contact she couldn’t bring herself to unpin.

She really, really shouldn't have hit call.

But she did, so here she sat at Jim's Pub anxiously awaiting her ex boyfriend's raspy sleep voice on the other side of the phone.

She and Hunter had been broken up for 3 months, plenty of time to get over someone according to the self help books lining her bookshelf at home, but Eden was stuck on him. She still woke up every day, thinking she'd see the "morning, beautiful" text that she took for granted so many times. She waited for his goodnight texts, still finding it hard to sleep without them even after 12 weeks. It was pathetic, she knew it was. But it was Hunter. She couldn't get over him in three months.

Everything she saw reminded her of the curly headed boy with the wild green eyes, bright smile, and pink lips.

The books she read made her think of the times Hunter teased her for reading and she teased him back because when she wasn't reading, he was. They'd read together sometimes. Her head on his lap, one of his hands playing with her hair, the other one kept the book open, his fingers paused in her hair only to turn the page. She missed those days.

God, she just missed him. The breakup wasn't mutual. At the time, Hunter had decided that it was better to remain friends. She's been wishing he'd take back that decision every day for the last 3 months. She needed him in her life, constantly. They’d kept in touch but they weren't best friends. They were those friends that you only talk to once every couple of months and it's just a simple: " hey. how's everything going?". They were basically strangers. She wasn’t okay with that, but she’d never tell Hunter because it seemed like he was.

He looked happy. Really happy. Happier. And she couldn't help but wonder if she’d brought him down all three years they were together.

She's broken from her thoughts when the voice she recognizes all too well cuts through the taunting ringtone.

“Eddie?" He asks with a grunt. The name he’d given her in their second year of dating after he’d complained Eden was “unmoanable” nearly broke her as it fell from his lips. His voice so raspy and deep that it sent a shiver down her spine.

She can picture it perfectly : He's just been woken from sleep. Not a deep sleep, there’s no way he would’ve picked up if it had been. When he slept, he slept. She used to tease that if someone ever broke into their apartment, he’d be counting sheep while she had to fend off the attacker. It would’ve been those few minutes he had where he was asleep but awake. His hair is wild and messy, he’s probably already run his fingers through it 5 times since picking up the call, as if that would help.

"Hey." She breathes shakily, looking down at her drink and twisting the wide top around, sloshing the barely there liquid around.

"Is everything okay? It's late." He points out and she nods even though he can't see her.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm at Jim's right now." She says and she hears Hunter sigh on the other end. She hears the bed creak and she knows he's sat up now, obviously more concerned.

"Eden, it's 2 am. Jim's is on the wrong side of town, I know you know that. You used to be terrified to go out past the hours of midnight. What's going on?” He recounts and she feels like she might collapse under the weight of his words. She remembers those times.

She'd be shaking her leg in the car while Hunter drove to whatever place they were going, an anxious tic she’d picked up from a friend in middle school and he’d have his hand on her thigh to try and ground her. He’d constantly remind her that he'd be there the whole time, he'd never leave her side, but it still terrified her. She should've known he'd know something was wrong. He always knows.

"Eddie?" His voice, still deep but not as raspy as he's been awake for longer now. "What's wrong?" She sighs and runs her hand over her face, pushing some hair back from her heated face.

"I just miss you, H." She admits, her voice barely above a whisper but she knows he heard her.

"We talked about this." He whispers, trying his best to let her down gently. "It's not practical, Eddie. We worked for those three years because I was home, but I'm leaving in a month. I won't be even remotely close to you. I can't give you what you need from all the way on the other side of the world. I wish I could, but I can't." He tells her and she nods, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I know, I know. But I still miss you, Hunter. We're basically strangers now." She admits, already feeling like she can breathe easier now that she’s told him how she feels.

"Don't say that." He begs. "We aren't strangers. You know me better than anyone." She scoffs.

"Is that why we only text once every couple of weeks?" She contradicts and he sighs for what feels like the hundredth time.

"I've been b-." He starts but she cuts him off.

“Busy. I know, H. But you always made time for me when we were together. No matter how busy you got." She says. She knows it's unfair. He doesn't owe her anything now. He isn't obligated to text her or check in anymore.

"Please don't do this." He asks gently . "That's not fair. You know it isn't."

"Can I come over?" She changes the topic, refusing to face the harsh reality of not being a priority to him anymore.

"What?" He asks, it comes out cold but she thinks nothing of it because by the breathy sound at the end, she knows it's a result of his shock.

"Please? You're right, it's late and Jim's is in a shady place and your apartment's a lot closer." She begs. He's silent on the other end and she knows he's thinking.

"Eddie, I don't think that's a good idea." He admits, sounding conflicted.

"H, please. I won't touch you. We'll sleep in different rooms too if you want." She suggests and he sighs, in this case, a clear sign she's won.

"How much have you had to drink?" He asks.

" About 3 and half whiskeys." She admits and she knows he's nodding to himself on the other side of the phone.

"Okay, call yourself an uber, wait in the bar until the app tells you it’s arrived and keep me on the phone in the car." He tells her and she feels her insides and outsides flush at his protective tendencies.

"Okay. Wait, I drove here. What about my car?"

"Leave it. I'll pick it up in the morning. But take all your valuables from it. I don't trust people there." He says and she smiles.

"Okay, thank you, H." She says, biting her lip and scraping her nails across the damaged wood of the bar top.

" 'Course. Wouldn't let anything happen to you." He admits and she feels tears prick her eyes, pushing them back with the last of the brown liquid in her glass.

It's about an hour later. She called the uber and abided by his rule of keeping him on the phone the whole ride. They didn't talk much, he was just there to be with her in case the driver tried anything seeing as she was a young girl, alone at 2 am, in a shady part of town. She was shaking her leg the whole drive, the crushing thoughts of seeing the boy who's consumed her every thought for 3 years and 3 months, sobering her entirely. She tried taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, but every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was his tall frame, inviting her to wrap herself in him and never come out. But that wouldn't be happening. Not today. Not anymore. This was strictly for her safety.

She'd ended the call with Hunter about five minutes before she arrived, promising she'd be okay about 20 times before he finally let her go. He told her to text him when she got there so he could let her in since she didn't have a key anymore.

So, here she stood. In front of his white apartment door, nauseous and on the verge of tears. Her body felt heavy yet she felt empty. She seriously considered turning around and risking something happening to her, but she wanted to see him. No matter how painful it would be.

She wanted to hear his voice rather than imagine the way he’d say something. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted to look into his wild eyes, the ones that used to be filled with so much love for her and are now filled only with subtle pity. She wanted to kiss his pink lips, to know if they still fit together like the missing piece of each other's puzzle. But she wouldn't be finding that out today, or ever she reminded herself. And with numb, shaking hands, she typed: "here" into the message bar and clicked send, watching as it was delivered and read not even 5 seconds later.

Her heart pounds and she has to dig her heels into the ground to prevent herself from running as she hears his footsteps coming closer and closer. She closes her eyes and takes one last deep breath, opening them just in time to see the door agape with him standing in front of her.