Being delusional

Melanie

I am dealing with crippling stress, anxiety, and hypochondria. It has affected my day to day life to the point I can’t eat or sleep. TMI ahead but I truly think I am being delusional but I need to vent and get this off my chest. I think I am pregnant as a virgin. This is because I was with a guy who tried to rub and finger me through thin leggings and a thong. He was jerking himself off beforehand and I am worried that he has precum on his hand. I know how the female reproductive system works so I have no clue why I am so scared right now. I am terrified of pregnancy and this has left me sleepless and crying for almost a month now. I’ve taken multiple pregnancy tests that have added up to $130 now. All of those tests showed to be negative. I then proceeded to get my “period” but then my brain goes ahead and thinks “what if it’s implantation bleeding?” And I am back to square one. This bleeding was bright red and lasted for a week so it resembles a period more that implantation but YET I am still worried. I have taken a few pregnancy tests after I stopped bleeding and I see faint lines but I don’t know if my eyes are playing tricks on me. I am currently 20 dpo and it looks negative but then my brain goes to what if scenarios as if I didn’t take a clear blue digital test TWICE yesterday and it said I was not pregnant. I am so exhausted and depressed to the point of where the thought of self harming has crossed my mind (haven’t done it thought). I just needed to type out my thoughts so I don’t just keep it bottled in. I am trying hard to distract myself but I just can’t. My breasts still hurt and I am fearful. I feel awful for bothering my friends over a silly situation that results in pregnancy 0.5% of the time. I am just so tired.

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