Hey there. I am just curious on how you personally handle seeing your abuser in public?

I was in a very toxic relationship when I was 19-20 years old. The man was very abusive to me. He was a narcissist who only ever wanted to hurt me.

Things were perfect in the beginning. I was so in love with this wonderful man. He made me his number one priority and loved me unconditionally. Two months in, that began to quickly fade. I was then seen as an issue. I was taken away from my family and if I went over there to see my parents, I had a time limit for when I needed to come back. If I went to work and came back a bit later, I was seen as cheating and he would punish me.

The whole relationship was awful. He would force himself on me when I would pass out drunk (which he would have me drink until I did) trying to get me to have his baby. He then would play a constant mind game with me and I was too weak then to understand. I have a scar on my hand from him cutting me with a knife after I stood up for myself.

That’s just some of what happened.

Fast forward, I am now 27, pregnant and with my current boyfriend. I now see said ex everywhere. He knew where I worked and came in knowing I was the only server/ bartender at those times. I then left the job because I did not want to serve him. I am now at a place he doesn’t know which makes me happy. Although, I now see him at the gas station I frequent and around town. Much more than I ever did.

When I see him, my body reacts. I try to smile and act like he has no effect on my life but inside I’m shaking and crying because he scares me. I can’t handle it. Today, I saw him at the store while I’m was with my boyfriend. I feel guilty having to tell my current boyfriend that my abuser is here and I’m going to have a hard time. That’s not fair to my partner.

I’ve been to therapy and it hasn’t seemed to help my situation one bit. I just go into survival mode when I see him. When I was his server, I would smile, make small talk and act as though I was fine. When I’d go to back room, I was having an anxiety attack and crying as I relived the horrors he put me though.

How do I move on from this? How am I able to see him in person without the constant panic? It’s ruining my life. I don’t want this man running my life especially when my daughter will be here in two short months. I’m just losing it…