Wat age do toddlers learn to share?

Question

My son is 1 year old and when I take him to the library play area, he mostly goes up to older toddlers and takes their toys. Rarely the other toddler knows/wants to share, and most of the time they get upset so I quickly take the toy from my son and return it to the other kid and then try to distract both of them. I tell my son ‘he’s still using that’ or something similar but obviously he doesn’t understand English yet so I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. The other parents sometimes side eye me and I end up just leaving or not going at all. I want to socialize my son a bit but it doesn’t seem like a good place for that. Am I doing something wrong or is there a better way to facilitate these interactions?

Answer

Sharing skills don’t appear until around 3.5 years of age. This doesn’t mean they will never share, but developmentally they will struggle to understand why they should not take toys or allow others turns with a communal toy. You can learn more about this through the AAPs website. Instead of saying “he’s using that” I would focus more on redirection, so showing him another toy he shows interest in. You just have to meet him where he’s at developmentally. My daughter is also 1 (13 months) and verbally advanced and can understand most of what we say and can say around 200 words so redirection is easier now than it was a few months ago. Just see where he’s at developmentally and decide what redirection tools would be appropriate to use.

Answer

So a 1 year knows English and what you’re saying especially if you keep at it. 
The actual concept of sharing isn’t grasped until around age 4 (give or take a year in either direction). 
Just keep having those discussions when it happens. 
“We are going to give that back because they weren’t done. You have to ask them first if you can have a turn.” 
“Let’s give that back. We don’t take from someone else without asking.” 
You’ll feel like a broken record but that’s how they learn. 
My daughter isn’t too much of the toy taker but she does get toys snatched from her often. I still use that as a lesson on sharing. 
“That wasn’t very nice that they didn’t ask if you were done with that, huh? This is why we need to ask and not just take. Sharing feels better.” 
“It seems they really wanted your toy. How about we go play with something else? Hopefully next time they will ask.” 
Also when you remind your kid to ask first, make it clear the other kid can say no. They don’t have to give up their toy. If they say no, we move on to something else and that’s okay.
Sharing is a very hard concept (let’s be honest, most adults don’t even know how to do it). Consistency is key. 
Don’t let side eyes get to you. You get after your kid so it’s not a problem.
I only side eye the parents when they let their kid just snatch and boss around all the other kids.

Wat age do toddlers learn to share?

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