So I found out my boyfriend cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship. We’ve been together for about a year now, but we have been officially dating with a title/label for 9 months.

When he cheated on me, it apparently happened one time in December with a coworker. I don’t want to go too in depth, but they didn’t have sex (intercourse), but she did give him a blow job. He also reassured me that he didn’t instigate it or seek it out. Apparently she offered, he denied, she offered again, and then… it happened. He said it happened for a only a few seconds before he stopped her out of guilt. Apparently he pulled her off of him and told her he couldn’t continue. This sorry seems to add up, as this is what I have heard from other coworkers.

When he admitted this to me he said he couldn’t continue because he was full of guilt and knew it was wrong and that I didn’t deserve it. And that it’s eaten him alive ever since it happened.

I never knew it happened until recently- however way back when it was all going down, I did sense that something was off. My gut told me. When he confessed, he told me the guilt would consume him and would eat him alive every day. And that’s why he was so off and distant back then. He told me eventually he tried his best to erase it out of his memory and work harder towards our relationship. He reassured me that it was an isolated event/one time instance and that he felt awful and would never do it again. I told him to never promise me that he would never do something, but instead he could promise to always tell me the truth instead.

The issue is, I probably would leave him. BUT our whole entire relationship before was so genuine, and our whole entire relationship afterwards has been extremely healthy and respectful. I can tell his actions have been faithful since the occurrence, and I can tell when he’s being truthful as opposed to when he’s lying. I just don’t understand how he could do this in the first place, even if it was only 30 seconds.

I’m not trying to defend him, but he has only been in one other long-term/committed relationship, and that was when he was 18/19. This is the first committed relationship in his adult life, and previously in high school and college he was a bit of a womanizer.

We have known each other for 7 years, we were never the bestest friends before, but we were solid acquaintances in high school, and then became closer in college which eventually led to us dating. I believe mistakes can be forgiven but not forgotten. I don’t know what to do, aside from this he is perfect. People aren’t perfect, but truly aside from this he is a good person. He’s a good person that did a horrible thing, and that horrible thing just had to fall on me.

The fact he felt guilt and remorse shows he has some sort of moral compass. And also, my gut told me then something was off, but it hasn’t told me anything is off since. If anything, my gut is telling me to trust that this was only one time and that he genuinely has changed. Idk why it’s telling me that, but it is. Like I truly believe I could proceed with the relationship and be safe and secure, but I wonder if I’m dumb for that.

Ultimately, I don’t have to make a decision right now. I’m not sure if I’m gonna stay or if I’m gonna break up with him. I’m going to try ti give myself a month or two to heal, and if it seems that I really can’t get past it, I’m going to have to leave.