I grieve life before marriage

My husband and I were only dating for 2 weeks when we got pregnant 7 years ago. We never really had chemistry and I liked another guy/ was planning to break up with my husband pretty much at the same time that I found out I was pregnant. He stepped up and became a great father and supporter but we have always been at odds because as the baby was being born he was talking to other girls and that really threw my trust out the window. It was a devastating way to bring a baby into the world. I was really happy for our life and was excited until that point. I had never experienced betrayal like that. I have since tried to be in love with him. We got married 5 years ago and have another baby now too. We are just always arguing and it’s making me physically sick all the time now. I’m the default parent/ SAHM so when we argue I never get to release my anger or disappear I just have to keep up with my kids routine and it’s hard. I know deep down it’s not his fault although he has his flaws. I am grieving the life I left behind when I found out I was pregnant, I am grieving growing through my twenties instead of having a baby right away. I love my daughter but I just feel lost in my marriage. I could never stand to be away from my kids, it also gives me anxiety because he is epileptic and falls asleep at the wheel while driving. I would be really worried away from them. I keep trying to convince myself that I can be happy in my marriage but I’m getting deeper and deeper into resentment. I don’t even know what kind of advice I’m looking for.