I had a missed (silent) miscarriage last week just after Christmas. We went in for the first scan and I should have been 12 weeks but the little guy only measured 8 weeks with no heartbeat.

I had an erpc the next day under general anaesthetic as the doctor felt it was unlikely that I'd do it naturally and I was too terrified to go through the process with the pills. The nurses and doctors were wonderful and soothed me as I was wheeled into the operating theater crying. My partner is a wonderful man who hasn't left my side since.

It's now been 5 days.

I'm so angry and feel like my body totally and utterly betrayed me.

I still had all the pregnancy symptoms until the day we found out and a little baby belly to match.

I can't look at myself in the mirror. I can't look at other pregnant people. I can't look at other people's children.

I just can't get my head around how I didn't know...how my body just carried on acting pregnant. I had a feeling it was going to be bad news in the shower the day of the scan but as a pessimist I always expect things to go wrong so ignored my inner voice.

I think the worst part is that we were so excited that we told everyone at Christmas only to have to take it back 4 days later. Not only were we robbed but our family and friends too. I wish I'd waited and feel like I've let everyone down.

I want my little guy back so much...I'm a logical person, I know that can't ever happen and I'm utterly heartbroken.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.