I don't know what I'm doing and think I made a mistake

I'm new to glow baby and nervous because I talked a little bit about my situation on tiktok i ended up going off on some asshole but this is a long situation.

I'm a single dad to a 2 month old son. How I got to this point is pretty insane. I won't lie, I was kinda a bit of a man whore. I always used condoms but I slept around with many girls. Part of it was because I was depressed and wanted to feel something. I got drunk and hooked up with a girl about a year ago and 3 months after that she told me she was pregnant. I can't remember if I even used a condom or not I was so drunk.

I wanted to talk to her about it but she would disappear for weeks on end and come back with ultrasounds and asking me for money. My mom told me she felt like she was faking this pregnancy and told me demand to go to an appointment and actually see the baby. I asked. She kept blowing me off so I stopped answering her texts and around when she was like 8 months she let me. She was definitely pregnant and there definitely was a baby in there. My mom told me not to sign anything without a paternity test. So I agreed. Then she disappeared again. She called me one night saying she had the baby and told me to come to the hospital. I did and when I got there I met my son. Went down to get her some food because she asked and when I came back she was gone and a caseworker was in her room. And police. They asked was I the father and I just said yes and asked what was going on. They questioned me a little but apparently she had warrants out for her arrest. She had two other kids and they were taken away for severe child abuse and she got out on bail and never came back to court. I didn't know any of this because I didn't really know her. She would just disappear constantly. The things she did to her kids were extremely disturbing and I'm not sure why she was giving bail but I also don't know how that stuff works.

There was a lot going on because she just booked it out of the hospital. And I know this is my fault and this is why you don't sleep with random people but I was expecting all this. The caseworker was here to take the baby after her arrest but since I'm the father and explained everything from my side. Even had text ofher constantly ghosting me, since I'm the father he could come with me but I would still need to come to court just to work everything out. I kin of had a decision to make. I know states work differently and in some states and unwed father has to go to court for a paternity test for his rights. In my state all a father who isn't married to the mother has to do is sign an acknowledgement of paternity which would put him on the birth certificate. As long as that father is on the birth certificate he has rights. He has the right to take a child just as much as a mother does. The problem is I wasn't planning on signing it right away. I was gonna get a paternity test like my mom. But someone was already here to take the baby. Things were happening too fast and all I could think about if I'm not the fathrr what happens to him because I already held him and bonded with him. So impulsively i signed it. Court happened and now I have full custody of an infant. And it's been hell. My job hasn't been the most understanding. I used all my PTO, sick leave, and savings account to figure this out the last 2 months and have to be back to work Monday.

I was able to get a childcare subsidy so he's going to be going to daycare but it's stressful because for some reason he won't let anyone else hold him. Even my mom who btw I had to lie to. I told my mom I got the paternity test when I didn't. She would be furious if she knew I did something so impulsive.But I'm not sure why he's like this but any time I hand him to someone else he screams so I'm not getting much help from my mom because he won't let anyone else hold him. I figured since I'm dad it would take years for him to get attached to me but it happened quicker than I thought and it's stressful. I was venting on my TikTok about single dad life but someone felt the need to leave me a nasty comment. I had a beer in the background. One 12oz beer. I maybe had 2 sips out of it and it was for my first beer in about 7 weeks. Someone left me a comment that said "Maybe you should give the baby up for adoption so they can have a mom since you would rather get drunk then take care of your child." I lost it on them and just deleted the TikTok. It was ONE beer and I had been sipping on it. It wasn't even a 3rd empty and I don't even think I finished it. This is why I struggle asking for help and advice. I'm wondering if I made the right decision or if I was too impulsive. If he's not mine maybe he would have been adopted into a rich family instead of my single guy one bedroom apartment. Or if his biological dad is out there maybe he would have been better than me. I have no idea how I even want to raise him because I was definitely not ready. I'm 24 and unmarried so I never thought about how I would raise a child. I don't know if I will or should tell him about his mom. Or tell him I may not be his real dad. I'm doing my best but part of me wonders of maybe I fucked up.