Depression during pregnancy

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I've tried everything I can to be happy during this pregnancy. My husband and I have tried for over a year for a baby and when we gave up, we finally got pregnant. I've had a hard pregnancy so far and although the baby is doing great I still can't bond with him or her. My husband thinks I'm just scared. We've lost 3 babies in the past. I'm not sure what it is. A part of me feels guilty because our daughter has epilepsy and I'm scared I won't be enough for the baby, her and our oldest son. My anxiety is so high and I can't stand it. my husband has been amazing during this pregnancy but I have no outside support and usually that doesn't bother me but here lately I'm struggling with it. I feel so bad because we wanted this baby and all I want is to feel close to him or her and now I don't feel pregnant I just feel very sick. I don't know exactly what to do and I feel awful. Is there anyone else going through this? If so what helped you?