I can’t orgasm with a partner

I just can’t seem to finish with a partner. I’ve been masturbating for a very long time before I became sexually active with a partner. I’ve had 3 partner while sober and 1 was a very long term boyfriend and the second was/is a guy I’ve been seeing on and off for the last two years however we do not have sex bc he doesn’t feel comfortable until we are in an exclusive relationship we do however do hand stuff but I still can’t orgasm from it I did once and it was a lot of work for me to focus to do so that it was just eh. The third was a guy I’ve been hooking up with but he again only made me orgasm once. I’ve had 8 partners all together but I don’t count the other 5 because they were drunken hookups so I don’t really count bc I was basically to drunk to enjoy.

I try to orgasm but I can’t seem to get my mind calm enough to really enjoy it and relax. I’m too in my head even tho I’m not really thinking about anything. When I’m alone I watch porn and mostly use a vibrator (the rose)