Advice for an emotional partner?

Question

I’m hoping there’s some advice for me with the situation I am in. I (27 female) have been in a 3 year relationship with my partner (28 male). We just got engaged in August and have had many ups and downs in our relationship. My fiancé has never been one to show his emotions, other than anger, and I am the complete opposite. My heart is on my sleeve and my emotions are written on my face. My fiancé and I have arguments and more often than not, I end up crying while trying to express how I’m feeling. This doesn’t seem to phase him at all and he just stares at me with a look of “I’m over this”. It makes me feel very uncared for in those moments and when I have told him this, he doesn’t give me any comfort or reassurance. I don’t expect him to cry as well, but when he shows no emotion along with me, I get the sense that I shouldn’t have spoke. I know I get emotionally invested in things, and maybe that’s something I need to work on. But if there is any advice on how to navigate situations like these or helpful tips on emotional stability, please help a girl out! Thank you!

Answer

In all honesty, it sounds like you’re walking on eggshells, not able to express yourself without him getting angry, dismissing your feelings, communication isn’t working, I would not be marrying him because you sound miserable. I couldn’t be with somebody who if I’m upset, just makes it worse, or doesn’t care. ￼ Clearly, you are having communication issues, you’re not seeing eye to eye ￼on anything, and he basically stonewalls you. It’s not that you are overly emotional or too emotional or anything like that, he completely dismisses your feelings and doesn’t care. I think he needs some sensitivity or anger management or some kind of training to control this issue. Or you guys are never going to work out. Honestly, if this has been going on for a long time, I’m sure one of you is  gonna get tired of it and want out of the relationship.

Answer

I am like you. Very emotional and explosive when it comes to arguements early into our relationship. Im the type of person though that needs to leave the scene and cool down if im super heated. I used to have to go for a drive. I would go park somewhere randomly and just think everything through by myself. My fiance would ALWAYS know where to find me. I have no idea how.he did.that, but after some time he would always.come looking for me to make it right. Weve been together 13 years now and i no longer take drives, but we dont argue like we used to before. When we do argue i now will just leave the room and avoid him for a few hours before one of us apologizes then all is well with the world after that. Moral of my story, he should be showing some type of empathy towards your emotions. I would let him know in random conversation how his blankness during an argument makes you feel. Then also let him know what you would like to happen during it all. Then when you guys argue next see if he follows through. After so many years you just know your person so well that the arguments will become less and less. Goodluck! I hope all turns out the way you would like!

Answer

What was his childhood like? A lot of men are taught that emotions are a bad thing. He may not know how to handle someone else’s if he can’t even comfortably express his own. It took a long time to get my husband to talk with me and show emotion due to his childhood. 
Just be careful. It may not have anything to do with what I said above. He may just not be a good guy. He needs to be willing to have a conversation over this.

Answer

It very likely has to do with the way he grew up. Honestly, I’d work on your own emotional regulation and talk to him about working on his own.

Answer

Thank you for your comments. I do appreciate the thoughts and advice.

Answer

You feel uncared for because you are. If he cared he would at minimum offer reassurance, empathy, and give you the space to get your feelings out while he was actively listening. He's dismissive of your feelings. You have to worry about your feelings and you never should. If he actually cared he wouldn't just dismiss you. He isn't trying to communicate with you or resolve things. I suggest couples counseling. If things don't get better in a few months then if I were you I would cut my losses and be glad I hadn't married him and didn't need a divorce.

Advice for an emotional partner?

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