Ima bad mother

Hello.

I’m here for a rent and a help if maybe possible with any suggestion.

First of all, i love my baby with everything i have i’ve been ttc for years finally have my rainbow and i feel like a bad mother.For the past week everytime baby is awake is doing a straining sound ( no it doesn’t need food,or colic or poop just this sound ) everytime when is awake constantly only when i hold in my arms while standing it’s not doing it or if it’s watching tv which i don’t allow at all also tummy time it’s fine too as it doesn’t make that sound.Baby was recently seen by a control routine and was fine.But today i couldn’t take anymore my back hurted a lot from standing with baby for too long and had to let watch tv so i can have a moment of silence.Ive trying entertaining but it doesn’t last long.

I’ve got to go othe room to cry in peace for about 5 min.In all alone, my husband yes but is at work 12h a day so from about 1pm i’m all alone.I believe this makes me a bad mother.I believe i’m getting into postpartum depression but i’m not sure if it can happen 5 months from it.

I don’t want to talk to anybody im sure everyone even here will get this wrong but i do love my baby but sometimes i just want to go in a corner and cry as i don’t know how to handle this situation,i’m not sure what to do i’m exhausted but my husband doesn’t get me as he believes it’s way easier what i do but working as he is but i tried to explain it’s even harder than working a what i do.

I’m a bad mother i wish I will be able to control my emotions.