I need validation I am doing the right thing in my divorce!! Please help!

So my husband of 4 years and I are getting a divorce. I got married when I was 21, he was 31. It wasn’t an amazing marriage and came with lots of arguing. I wasn’t ready to be married and looking back, he wasn’t the guy for me anyways. He drinks a lot, and has a lot of anger issues, and also will never ever admit when he’s wrong. He always brings up our happy times but never will validate that he treated me like crap the last few years.

In 2022 we welcomed our daughter and things got worse from there. I finally started seeing my self worth, getting promotions at work, becoming who I really wanted to be as a mom and woman. Yet my husband and I kept having serious serious arguments and there was rumors he cheated on me with a girl he worked with. When he gets angry, he gets ANGRY. Holes in walls, yelling, trying to call me names in front of our daughter, stealing my phone, spilling drinks on me, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a perfect wife and maybe I could have been better, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I honestly think I grew up and grew into myself more and realized this wasn’t what I wanted.

So I moved out and filed for divorce after asking and asking for therapy and he declined. Now we are in the thick of the divorce and he’s just gotten more and more volatile. My lawyer and my daughters lawyer (it’s mandatory in our state) projected that I get full custody of our daughter. Yet, I am feeling guilty for that. Of course I want her full time, but at the same time, it’s not her fault her dad and I didn’t work. He is verbally and financially abusive towards me, but I hope he’s not like that to our daughter as she grows up.

Is it right or normal to feel guilty about getting full custody? Or should I tell my lawyer I don’t like that plan and I want to be the primary parent but her dad still gets to see her? He loves his daughter, yet his anger/judgement gets clouded when he’s upset and it’s scary. But I think if I’m not in the picture, it may get better? What do you ladies think? Please help!

Sincerely,

An anxious, tired mom going through a divorce