Okay, so it's a long story, but I need some advice if anyone has any ideas or suggestions.

I'm almost 7 months pregnant now.

Right after we announced at about 12 weeks a friend stepped forward wanting to host a shower. I had a few others who offered after her, but I chose the first friend because she's usually very calm and chill when we hang out. It makes things easy, light and fun. We offered that we were more than happy to help financially with the party or even pay for everything if needed. To which we were turned down. We reiterated again we'd be happy to help and were turned down yet again.

About three months ago she asked me to send it invitations, but I explained to her that I felt that was a bit early and that most of my friends and family wouldn't know their schedule that soon. Some of them are nurses and phlebotomists or work odd schedules or go to college.

So, after bring pestered by the hostess about it off and on for a month saying " send out your invitations. I need a headcount" I started sending out invitations by Facebook and word of mouth. My husband had just started a new job after being out of work for 3 weeks so money is tight, but I secured a small venue and no the hostess isn't paying for it. I sent out invitations for about 35 adults and have roughly 6-10 other people that were still on my list. I know the count usually goes that you invite all your people and only expect 75%-50% to be able to come. Most of the others are in our board game group and had a privately held baby announcement, so I figured it would be a safe bet to just tell them when they came over next. Before we could have them over the hostess, who had been still pressuring me for a headcount asked again 1 1/2 months till the party. I explained that 1 1/2 months is still too far away for them all to know. So, she asked me how many I'd invited and I told her about 35 adults, but I didn't know if the kids would need coming with the parents or not, so there was a possibility of maybe 10 children also.

My hostess freaked out and told me that traditionally is only 25 people for a baby shower, that she is going to focus on the food and table decor for the food table plus the gift table. Everything else decoration wise was on me. Then she asked if I had anyone who could do the games and prizes, so I asked if she meant to perform the games or bring the games and prizes. She said both. She told me she wants to do pulled chicken sandwiches, sliders, chips, drinks and cake. We've told her that only doing cake is totally okay and have offered to pay for anything she'd need. Just to make this less stressful for everyone and have been turned down many times now. She says we'll just keep trucking along.

Well our board game group isn't all invited and with how everything had been and how flexible they all usually are we thought we'd wait till closer and see who declines to go to the party and how much head space we can get. Otherwise I'd do the first baby shower/gender reveal, asking everyone to keep the gender quiet and then have a smaller intimate party and do the same thing over again before publicly announcing what we're having. Everyone knows my husband and I already know the gender, so it's not a surprise to us. Just or friend and family. I felt this was the best compromise I could do given the current situation.

Apparently two of the friends found out about the first shower about a month ago and called us out. They asked us if we were having a baby shower in December because they needed to know if they needed to buy a gift or not. The two friends are a couple, so I reached out and explained the situation to them and told them not to worry and I was pretty sure there would be people who'd RSVP unable to attend. That's usually how it goes, so I felt fairly confident at the time. These two are super cool with last minute things and changes. They seemed super chill with everything. A week and a half till the party and I still didn't have any openings and in fact it got worse because more people RSVP'd coming and the hostess is still trying to get a headcount yet again. I'm so stressed I'm crying and can't focus on much of anything. So my husband reaches out to the friends and let's them know the situation with the headcount is still not any better and offers the other party. They both got angry and sent texts. All one said was "Okay. Ouch."

The second told us that they were disappointed in our assumptions that they would be flexible and okay with this. That they were upset, but hoped we had a good baby shower anyway.

Then a day later the first friend sends some long text messages about how we would never have been overage at a party she was throwing and that she was going to adjust her perspective on our friendship. She accused us of being distant over the summer and that we're trying to disappear from their lives. We were distant from everyone this summer because we got pregnant again and we're hiding it. I started showing immediately and after 3 other losses and one just fresh that March I didn't want anyone to know just in case. This is our only living child so far. So for two months we hid until we did the reveal after 12 weeks. We didn't do game nights. They both knew that because we explained it all to everyone.

Now I have two friends unwilling to do anything but the first party and a hostess who is highly stressed because I don't have the information she needs. I'm stressed and neither my husband nor I even want to do this anymore. This was supposed to be a fun happy time and I even have accommodations for the several guests that couldn't be invited to the original party, but if that isn't enough to make my mistake right then I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any ideas? I'm exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally and the party in this weekend.