to preface, i’m a first time mom, 20 years old, and have struggled with anxiety and depression since i was a child.

i just had my first baby boy mid october. he’s almost two months now and i love him so much. he started off as a very calm baby and has progressively got more and more fussy. i feel like he’s past the normal fussy baby. he cries for hours a day, basically unless he’s eating or on the rare occasion sleeping. he will not sleep flat on his back no matter the situation. he seems to constantly have bad gas and I do everything I can to help him. i don’t sleep at nights unless someone else is watching him bc he won’t sleep unless he’s being held or propped up. im stressed constantly, even when he goes to sleep i am stressing bc i know he will only sleep in his bassinet for about 5 minutes before gas pains wake him again. my mother in law can get him to sleep just fine but we aren’t doing anything differently. I’ve gone to the doctor and talked to her admit it but she says babies are gassy and that this is normal. i can’t help but feel like maybe it isn’t normal. or maybe I’m just not cut out for this. i dread waking up every day. i dread being around him but i don’t want anyone else to have him. i know I need a break but I have so much anxiety when he’s gone. please don’t mistake anything, i love him so much it hurts. the fact that he sleeps no problem for my mother in law but not for me hurts. he also didn’t cry as much around her. my husbands little sister told me that he liked her better. i feel like that’s true. i want to give him so much more love but i feel so rejected constantly. what do i do? i can hardly cope with this anymore