Am in the wrong?

Question

I’m writing this post because I feel like I’m a bad girlfriend. I really do! My bf is blaming me and saying we have “issues.” He said he’s going to step away. I feel like he’s dumping me.

For the past 10 years my bf and I have been just commuting to each others houses (parents house) We started dating at a young age; we were both 16 years old. Now that I graduated from college and starting my career, I kept telling my bf we should start looking into places to move forward in our relationship.

He agrees. For the past few months, we have had issues because he wants to have a child. Just to be clear, i want children but im not financially ready. I want to have my own place and know i can financially raise a child. i live with my parents. my bf tells me no one is really ready but the thing is we live far from each other. My bf literally told me yesterday that he wont live with him until i give him what he wants which is a child. i felt threatened and manipulated. he went off saying he needs to have a child first before he gets a house with me. he also said he needs motivation to live. wtf!!!!

this morning he texted me saying hes going to step away. he said our relationship has issues because of me. hes blaming me. all i have been telling him is i want to start a life with him. I want to live with him. He makes it seem like I am the one who doesn’t want to see him. Last week I didn’t see him because he said he is fed up with only seeing me 5 hours. I told him that’s why I want to live with him. It’s time. He complains that he rarely sees me. (Only on sundays) and I keep telling him that’s why I want to literally move in with him. It’s time!!!!! He said he will not until he gets a child and if I don’t give him one then he will buy a house without me!!

I have even tried to discuss with him if I should get a job closer to him or how will we make this work. If he is complaining about not seeing me enough shouldn’t he put effort in making this happen??? I think my standards are too high. I want to get married, buy a home together, have children and grow.

Answer

Can I just please encourage you to get out of this relationship ASAP. This is not a healthy partner for you and the relationship is not healthy. He wants you to have a baby so that the two of you are tied to one another forever and he doesn't have to put in any more effort for that to be. I promise you that if you have a baby with him, it's going to be the biggest mistake of your life. I wouldn't move in with him. I say move on and find someone better. His thinking is not sound.

Answer

A child doesn't "fix" a relationship, in fact as much as a child is a blessing, they will always put more stress on your relationship, not less. Your relationship should be stable enough for marriage and moving in together *before* bringing a child into your world. I'm sorry that you bf is being menipulative and trying to make it sound like you're the issue... Obviously this is your life, your choices, but I would consider that maybe he's not good for you 😔 you deserve much better than the way he's treating you ❤️

Answer

This is not the kind of guy you want to have a kid with. You don’t have a kid to have a reason to live, you don’t have a kid when you don’t live together (you can but his reason of not wanting to live together until you have a kid is stupid and irresponsible). You can’t just “give him a child”. Having a child is a huge responsibility and should be something you both want and are ready for, for the right reasons. It’s going to be hard but I think you should work on moving on

Answer

That is a man that should NOT have children. He is viewing a child as a tool for his own development and not the largest responsibility you can have. He wants a child so bad, has he put any work into learning about parenting? Brain development in children? Has he discussed plans for childcare/if you will stay home with the child? A child should have stability, educated parents who have an understanding of the impacts that different parenting styles have, ideally parents with a strong as steel relationship. Your partner is selfish, immature and showing narcissistic behaviors. Please do not have a child with this guy.

Answer

Phew a lot to unpack. 
A child is a bigger commitment than marriage or living together- first of all. 
I suggest not buying a home or having a child with someone that won’t commit to you marriage wise- that’s my personal perspective because it protects you and any children legally. Period. 
Secondly, he’s manipulating you and it’s gross. Time to move on. 
Thirdly, you are being very wise and responsible and you should be so proud of yourself.

Answer

Don’t ever let any “man” or boy for that matter make you feel like you thinking smart or logical is a you problem .. He needs to grow the hell up .. the thought of having your own baby sounds amazing but actually raising a baby is not as easy as it seems when the tough times come that alone when you’re not established and living in someone else’s home .. keep doing what you’re doing girlie you’re doing great ! Build your foundation first it’s important and if you have to do it without him then do so just know there’s something better in store for you. You Got This! 💗🤞🏾🍀

Answer

Do NOT get pregnant with him right now. He is definitely trying to manipulate you. If you do get pregnant with his child he will have another excuse not to move in together, get married, etc. Your standards are simply, wanting to get financially stable and be married before kids? That’s very responsible and your boyfriend is suggesting a highly irresponsible thing.

Answer

Dump him. Hes a manipulative turd

Answer

Break up with him.

Answer

Threatened and manipulated? No. Given an ultimatum? Yes. You want different things and if after 10 years you’re not making any moves to build a life together, I’d say it’s over.

Am in the wrong?

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