Boyfriend thinks I'm still in love with my ex husband

My ex husband and also the father of my 4 kids died last week from a heart attack and his body wasn't found for 3 days in his apartment. My kids are obviously heart broken. I felt something was wrong. And when his girlfriend called me I just knew. For those 3 days I felt it and even asked my oldest daughter (20) if she had heard from him. I of course cried. We didn't always get along but he was the father of my children and we were married. I wanted to bring something to my ex MIL. He was her only child and she went through years of infertility and 10 miscarriages to have him. My ex is upset I cried for him, upset I want to bring a dish to my ex MIL and upset I want to attend his memorial. He says I'm clearly still in love with him. He also doesn't want his ashes at our house. My ex's girlfriend says she believes it's only right that he's with his kids. He doesn't even want my kids to have a necklace of his ashes. He wants nothing of him here. He doesn't want me to grieve him at all and says I'm clearly still in love with him which I'm NOT! I love him but not as in love. As he's the father of my child and died before CHRISTMAS love. A we had a life together and I once cared about him love. Like seriously WTF? Why can't I grieve him? He's my kids DAD