Realizing that I'm a better mom when I'm working

I was a sahm for a very short time. I was severely depressed. I was on antidepressants and that wasn't working, therapy wasn't working. I genuinely did not enjoy being a sahm. I thought I was broken. That maybe it meant I didn't love my baby. Which wasn't true at all. I was privileged enough to be a sahm. I had the money to do so... So why was I so depressed? Why did I hate it? My therapist recommended that maybe the best thing for me was to go back to work. Soe and my husband worked opposite shifts so we didn't have to do daycare and at first I felt so guilty. I remember how people would react when I told them I chose to go back to work. These moms would accuse me of not loving my baby and how dare I not want to spend the first few years at home. I finally realize I am a better mom when I'm working. When people say a kid needs a happy parent that's so true. I'm happy to see her when I get home. She gets equal time with daddy. I feel like there's so much guilt and judgement towards women who work and choose to work just like there is for Sahm's. Being told I didn't love my child was so hard to hear. That I was a bad mom. But I now know I made the right decision. Did I miss her first steps? Yeah Daddy saw those. But what point would it have made if I was depressed? She said mama before she said Dada. I'm realizing there is more than one right way to be a mom and neither is more right than the other. I am having my second and I'll probably stay home for 3 months and then go part time. It was hard at first but realizing that for me personally working makes me a better mom helped.