Trigger warning rant just trigger warning

Cat

Cat

Dog

Dog

Hamster

I hate that people only ask about the kids like I don't exist or I just exist to take care of them and do house work. I am so burnt out it's not even funny. I haven't vaped since January of this year so I don't have any stress relief because I was pregnant and now I am breastfeeding. I told my husband I wanted to take myself off this plane of existence yesterday and I think he thought I was joking. I am being punished by my job for having a child they haven't called me to work since September. We somehow have a 700$ electric bill that if I was working I could clear in 1 paycheck but I can't because they refuse to call me back. I get so excited when people call me I am literally trying to start shit with my family because I miss them I don't care if they are mad at me for something stupid I just wanna talk to them. I feel so useless. And I can't tell my Dr I would like to make it end because my health insurance dropped me. I have been so stressed out that I can hardly eat anything. I told my husband i wanted to off myself and he told me to do it. I told him because the thought was scaring me and I wanted him to hug me and tell me everything is gonna be ok but he did that. I am sleep deprived I haven't been able to relax because the baby won't let me step away without him crying. And when I do have 10 seconds my 4 y.o is trying to open the front door. I am just so tired all the time. and I feel like a horrible mom anyways. I am just so fucking tired. Why can't my husband just hug me and so the damn dishes take something literally anything off my plate. Stop talking to me about the bills all the time. Stop talking about everything that has to be done. Believe me I KNOW. And my insurance people are a bunch of idiots because I have a history of trying to delete myself from the census like guys really? I have been clean from cutting for 5 years and that's all I can think about lately I just want some sort of stress relief but then I get anxious about getting an infection or something ahhh. I am so fucking tired. Why is it so hard for someone to treat me like a human. I like pottery and fantasy books. No one asks me if I need anything. I need a hug and a cup of Starbucks. Oh wait I can't even do that because stupid people have to be stupid. And no one wants to hug me. But I don't blame them for that I haven't had a second to shower in 2 weeks. I feel disgusting. My mental health is trash. My jokes are mildly homophobic don't worry they are all internal because I don't need the interweb also telling me to do it already. I am just so tired. Nothing is ok I am not ok. I am so stressed it's actually causing physical problems. I just want someone to notice I am not ok. Literally anyone I miss my cat