I just need to vent

My husband and I have been TTC for 6 months. I've been on clomid straight for 6 months. I've been off of birth control for 2 years and my menstrual cycle varies which is hard to know when I will be having AF show her ugly face. I've been having at lot of early signs of pregnancy and just waiting until the 8th to do a test but I'm now terrified of doing pregnancy test. I'm getting more and more frustrated and I really don't want to tell anyone in my family how I feel. I really want to be a mom. I pray often but I feel that I'm being punished by God because of my past. So angry with myself that I'm not pregnant yet. I'm losing weight which is a good thing, but I really want a family with my husband. Any suggestions for a person who is trying to be positive.