I am numb. I absolutely don't care anymore. It is 1:40am and I have been up with our 7 month old since 11:30. No idea why she has started waking throughout the night. And there my husband is snoring away as if she hasn't been screaming at the top of her lungs. I screamed I know I shouldn't have but I screamed at her coz I didn't know what she wanted. I'm a bad mom coz I can't even figure out what my child needs or wants. I woke him up out of frustration and I get blamed that I'm making him feel like he is the one waking or keeping her up and then goes back to sleep like nothing. I struggle so much to fall asleep and then to stay asleep. What am I doing wrong? Why am I so numb to everything, I don't care about myself anymore. I don't shower, I don't eat properly, I can't even remember when last I had coffee and breakfast. He used to make it as I would be feeding or pumping but now it's nothing. Just packing the dishwasher or spending hours in the bathroom "breathing" out his shit coz if you push you get hemorids. I'm numb, I'm done. I don't know how anymore.