I need a rant

I’m not sure if this sounds strange but for a while been very anxious around men to the point where I start shaking and feel and having to calm myself down from hyperventilating if I’m alone around an older man or groups of men, I’m 16 almost 17 and I’ve gone through a couple experiences that I’m not sure but I think may have caused a trauma response, I was essentially sexually assaulted for a year or two by family friend when I was 12 and he was 15/16 and it’s sounds fucked I can’t even explain to myslef why but I developed feelings for him later and ended up hooking up with him here and there but he was quite forceful with things and it only stoped once I found out he had a girlfriend, I’ve had a couple other experiences one recently where a man in his 20s came up to me talking a couple times and was following me for about 30 mins even though I told him i was young and he ended up chasing after me until I ran into a restaurant, in a sense I was told by my mum I shouldn’t have been wearing what I was and that’s what probally initiated the situation I’ve tried to burry it but every time I think about it I start crying, another recent experience I’ve had which I think has tipped everything over the edge is with my ex boyfriend to who I lost my virginity to, he was a really insensitive and immature person and made me feel insecure about natural things about my body, he essentially pressured me into having sex the first time even though he didn’t have a condom, it ended up being a shit experience because he got mad at me for being in pain and almost screaming cause it hurt but I was being to loud and afterwards I realised what had happened told him (of which he didn’t care) and had to buy plan b by myslef, this led into being a shit relationship and I still feel insecure about things that he said to me I feel like everything was my fault and that I was in a sense hypersexual which I think may be caused from being sexually assaulted I’m not to sure but now it’s gotten to the point where I’m having to stop myself having panic attacks if I’m alone around men and I have no one to talk to cause I feel like no one will understand and I don’t know what to do I can’t stop crying thinking about everything