I'm a clown

I swear sometimes I make myself look like a complete clown! I let my ex claim our baby on his taxes because I still love the man and I'm too nice for my own good but he just treats me like I'm just nothing but the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Also my son is 4 months old and my ex only gets him like 4 times a month at best. Me and my ex do have some type of conversation on the daily but he doesn't really ask about how our sons doing.. I have other children from a previous relationship so I wasn't too worried about putting the baby on mine but honestly I wish I would have because at the end of the day I'm the one getting up through the night. I'm the one dealing with the diaper changes and crying. I'm the one supplying my baby with everything he needs. I'm the one taking him to appointments. I'm the one dealing with taking care of a new baby while also dealing with a broken heart. Sometimes it's just too much for me. Ladies all I can say is make sure the man you have children with is truly the one. My son was a huge surprise since we religiously used protection and even though he wasn't planned at all I was first very scared but soon we were happy til one day when I was 8 months pregnant my ex just randomly dumped me. I was devastated and had to go through extensive therapy for it. If I could have seen the future I would have just had an abortion. I know that sounds messed up but no one should ever have to go through something like that.