Free red flag sharing

Ok let me share some free red flags for you all, some may seem obvious, some a little less:

1. you're eating out and when you're halfway through your plate, he's already at the register checking out.

This is a control thing. It ups your stress level and the goal is to rush your feeding or to stop eating at all. Since the table is paid for, you can't have any drinks or a chill night out. - he would also pay with my card so this absolutely was not a budget thing.

1.1 You're eating in and when you're halfway in your plate, he starts cleaning up dinner.

I feel he did this to avoid mature conversation. It made me very stressed and I felt very rushed.

2. paying with my card - absolute red flag. Don't date men who require access to your money to feel like a man.

-In my experience : he felt emasculated when I would pay for our date so he paid with my card.

3. caring more about how others think about him than to self evaluate and take responsibility for who/how he is.

-like with the card, he cared more about what waiting staff would think about me paying for our date. He cared more for their opinion than for mine. He cared more for his ego than getting his life together. He wanted free recognition.

Wanting or expecting FREE recognition is a huge red flag that can be easily overlooked.

4. Expecting something in return after having done something nice.

Now.. it may seem fair sometimes that when you do something for someone else, that you can expect them to be good for you as well.

However.. he'd do things like make me breakfast in the morning - which is a basic thing, can we agree? and he'd demand to get a blowjob in replacement.

5. NEVER EVER take on a loan for someone else especially if you don't 100% feel like you need to take one or you're not 100% supportive of getting that loan. It should be a full yes or nothing at all.

-I was repeatedly urged to take on loans and to lie on application forms. It brought me in very bad papers. I was taking loans because he needed a new car that was safe for his kids. Let me tell you that this guy got himself 5 cars the last 10 years of which I paid at least 3 in full. I didn't have a say because "you don't drive" and "You don't know how bad and unsafe this car is"

6. beware of people who always strike down your opinions. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't have a say in your own life and your own finances.

there's a lot more but we'll end that there, hope it helps someone out there ❤️

@JS

I recently left him and I'm going over and over all the red flaggs I saw and ignored (they made me uncomfortable but I didn't know anything about any red flags) and the red flags that I missed that turned out to be massive huge red flags..

@Julie

Thank you love ❤️

@Lydia

Please stay kind 😊

I got into this situation because of a couple of reasons.

I could go into all of them, the thing is that when I started this relationship I was a pretty naive young girl, dating a single dad of 15 yrs my senior. I was brought up by a narcissistic mom who literally DRAINED my dad from every cent he had left. By the time I met my now ex, I was continuously SA'd between ages of 11 and 15, I was bullied at school, I was bullied at home and I frequently took a beating before I finally left my family home - with my mom. My dad tried to give me a place to stay but his girlfriend basically kicked me out again. (not because I misbehaved, but she didn't like sharing her bathroom in the morning and because my mom didn't lower the child support for the month I was in their house)

There.. that's about half of them 😉

The lovebombing felt nice. The manipulation felt reasonable enough, which is why it's manipulation and not theft for instance.. you know..

until it didn't, left a bad taste in my mouth, I got healthier mentally.. now here I am, in my own apartment with a child of my ex, trying to show others that these things are absolutely not normal nor reasonable.

Thank you for your concern though and I wish you a lot of happiness, you sound like you can use some 😊