Disappointed in myself after a hookup.

Hi everyone so I have been seeing a guy for the past month and yesterday we finally hooked up. He wanted to go down on me but I told him no. I told him no because, in my head I’m worried about being so dark skinned down there, and my vulva and genitals have become so dark down there it’s almost purple in color. Not only that but I tore after having two kids and have a hemorrhoid as well and scarring from tearing during labor. So having all that made me not want him to go down on me. After the hook up I left disappointed in my self and almost felt boring afterwards. I know at my age 30 I shouldn’t care about this kind of stuff but I was afraid of what he’d think. Women have so much pressure to look 100% down there. Hairless spotless etc. Does anyone know how to get over anxiety of what you look like down there, when with someone new. I don’t want to be disappointing to anyone. Once I get comfortable I can get wild though. 😀