We have been together for almost 2 years, working through a long-distance relationship. We met when I was 19, and I’m 22 now, before our relationship we were close friends.

Through our two years, I’ve watched his whole life crumble before him. He was put in a bad living situation, lost a lot of things, yet we prevailed through it all, found a way to still love each other and I’ve been there for him and he has helped me tremendously with my mental health issues teaching me a lot of things. It was a deep love.

2 weeks before Christmas, my love was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I suspected he had it, because of a lump that appeared on his neck back in February of 2023. I told him to go to the doctor for MONTHS. It wasn’t until I forced him to call his mother and show her the lump so she could tell him he needed to go to the doctor that he started to take it seriously. Our worlds were forever changed …

Now it’s March, and he feels like the best thing for him is to be single and not spend his time in a constant mental battle with me bc we have too many issues and they’re always mental. it’s never cheating or actions we doing against each other, it’s our way of thinking that constantly clashes and stresses each other out. This has been going on since before he was even diagnosed.

If we were in person he would be better able to work with that but since talking is all we have using our brains is all we have he feels overwhelmed and since we’re not even close to having our lives together to even attempt to move in together or anything bc we broke af, he can’t even begin to try to focus on doing that while he with me because of how much of his brain capacity is used on catering to my emotions. he said it’s not my fault, but he still wants to keep me in his life. And says that he loves me and doesn't want anybody else but me .

He broke up with me 3 days ago, yet we have still had some kind of conversation everyday. I am going to see him soon, and im wondering if its stupid of me to go out there for my own closure. Part of me feels like all of this is a lie, and he is done but just wants me around for his own convenience, without the commitment. just until he finds the next girl. Maybe the chemo is making him act this way. The other part of me has hope that something better will come out of this separation period we are experiencing. Only time will tell, but this pain is unlike anything i’ve felt before. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder. F@&€ cancer!