Since you posted this in Masturbation, I am assuming you never had an orgasm?

Masturbation is your very own research laboratory where you learn about your body, sex and orgasms. It is an important part of your sex education. Just because masturbation is something we do in private does not mean it is something to be ashamed of, or feel guilty about. It is normal, healthy, natural and good for you. For most women it is (much) more difficult and more work to orgasm with a pertner, so learning to orgasm by yourself is a much easier and a more fun place to start.

Now a bit of sex-ed:

If you have not done so yet, Google "female anatomy diagram", wash your hands, lock your door, make sure there is enough light, take off your panties and look at yourself in a mirror. Everything you see between your legs is called your vulva. Identify all your vulva parts - your outer lips (labia majora), your inner lips (labia minora), your clitoris and it's hood, the opening of your urethra (pee hole), your vaginal opening.

If you feel like it, you can use your fingers to feel inside your vagina. Your vagina is inside your body. It is not just an open "pipe". The walls touch each other when you are not aroused. The ridges (called rugae) you feel is what allows your vagina to stretch for sex and child birth.

Right at the top you may be able to feel your cervix, the entrance to the uterus. It feels like the tip of your nose, with a little dimple where the entrance to your uterus is. It can be stiff like the tip of your nose, or soft like your lips. It just depends where in your menstrual cycle you are.

Your cervix moves around in your vagina. During your period it is stiff and low down, close to the vaginal opening so that it is easier for your flow to come outside your body. During ovulation it is softer, more open and higher up in your vagina to allow sperm to reach it after a male partner ejaculates inside your vagina.

Your cervix is also responsible for a lot of the discharge you see in your vulva and panties, from the sticky discharge, the jelly-like discharge, creamy discharge, wet watery discharge, and the very stretchy clear discharge (like raw egg whites).

You have two organs “down there”. One for reproduction and one for pleasure. Since they are so close together and intertwined during sex, their purpose often get confused, and besides, sex-ed sucks big time.

Your vagina is for reproduction. It is your birth canal, and a safe place for your partner to ejaculate his sperm to get you pregnant. It is also an outlet for your menstrual flow. To protect you from trauma caused by pain, your vagina is largely without nerve endings, leaving it mostly with very little feeling. If it was very sensitive inside, child birth, menstruation, inserting tampons, infections and sex would be intolerable. Unfortunately sex with a male partner is mostly concentrated around your vagina with his penis pumping in and out of it.

Your clitoris is actually your primary pleasure organ. It is the equivalent of the male penis for sexual pleasure, except that you do not ejaculate and pee through it. The clitoris is a massive organ, going almost 15 cm inside your body. It forms 2 wishbone structures, the 2 fat bulbs that are going under your labia towards your vaginal entrance, and two thin long legs that goes deeper in your body along your pelvic bones. Just that little tip that you can see and feel (the glans) has more than 8,000 nerve endings (10,000 according to new research), making it the most sensitive organ anywhere on a human body. In other words, it is made for touching and stimulation, leading to orgasms. That is quite literally its only job – pleasure leading to orgasms.

During normal sex, most women do not get enough stimulation to their clitoris to orgasm. Only about 20% to 30% can orgasm from just intercourse. Research has shown that it is because their clitoris is close enough to their vaginal opening so that the thrusting of the penis also stimulate their clitoris. The rest of us need extra clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex. There are a number of ways to achieve this. It may feel unnatural in the beginning, but it will become second nature pretty quickly and it holds the keys to a great sex life.

During sex, you need to stimulate your clitoris. You can do it with your fingers, his fingers, a small clitoral vibrator, a couples vibrator or by changing how you move during sex. Giving your clitoris extra stimulation by rubbing or vibration is easier done with you on top, or him behind you. And it is pretty much just masturbating while he is inside you.

Changing the way you move can also give you great orgasms. With him fully inside you, tilt your pelvis so that your clitoris makes contact with his body. The rub, squeeze and grind in small movements on him. There is no rule that states that sex must be the in/out up/down that does so little for you. When you get more adept with this, you can even end the in-stroke with a sweep of your clitoris on his body, giving you back this typical in/out motion. This is also much easier done with you on top where you can control the movements.

There is even a sex position that achieves this very efficiently called the coital alignment technique (or C.A.T.). You can google it. It takes some practice and experimentation, and I think it is easiest done with a long term partner.

If you are wondering how to stimulate your clitoris, here are a few tips:

• In the beginning your clitoris may be very sensitive. Start very gently and not directly on your clitoris. Make sure you are well lubricated. When you are dry, your clitoral hood will “stick” to your clitoris, rather than slide over it. You can use your own arousal fluid from inside your vagina, saliva or a store bought personal lubricant on your fingers.

* You can rub next to your clitoris, over your clitoris, through your clitoral hood, around your clitoris, on your clitoris. It can be slow or fast, hard or gentle, large motions or very small motions. You can use a finger tip, a finger, multiple fingers, the palm of your hand or an object/toy. You can rub, squeeze, press, grind, tap, pinch or vibrate your clitoris. You can even do it through your panties, clothes or something else to change the sensation or when you are very sensative to touch.

* You may also find that the closer to orgasm you get, the faster and harder you go, and the more direct the stimulation needs to become.

Can’t reach orgasm

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