I don’t know how single moms do this. I live in Cali and its so expensive here. When I was deciding whether or not to divorce my ex husband my mom, sister, and friends all strongly urged me to do it as it was abusive but I didn’t know how Id make it on my own. I moved into my moms house that she rents and took over my brothers rent when he moved out. I make minimum wage, im in nursing school and Im trying my best to afford everything. At first it was fine, i paid my rent $450 and bills $300 and car payment $450. My mom worked from home at the time and was able to help me watching my son while I worked but her job ended and she told me I would need to take over her bills and rent now that her job ended. Her rent $450, her bills $300. Money got tight but it was okay. Then one of our roommates moved out and since my mom didn’t have a job she told me I would need to take that room over too. $450 plus bills went up to about $475 each. So my bills quickly over a few months went from a manageable $1300 to $1950 to $2300. My paychecks are only about $1500per month and my tips about $1500 per month. Im working as much as i can, and trying to get thru school so I can get out of this situation.

I feel like I don’t even exist anymore. All my friends want from me is to see my kids, no one is genuinely interested in being around me or cares about how imm doing. My mom only cares to talk to me about my kids and my money. And my sister only comes up to see my kids, but never asks questions about me. I feel lonely and its getting hard to enjoy motherhood. I loved being a mom when I was married because I was allowed to be a mom. But now living with my mom she takes over everything. I started potty training my son and she one upped me by making him a special potty training box filled with toys and candy, genius yes but i never get to do anything for my kids. I told my mom I eventually wanted to build them a mud kitchen when i had money and she loved the idea so she bought them a mud kitchen and it was delivered the next day. I said i need to go get them summer clothes and she went shopping. She tells me how to do everything. She gets to stay home with them. And i feel like all eyes are on me 24/7. A few months ago my sister told me I’m not a good mom. I never do anything frivolous when I have them Monday-Friday. I literally go to work and come right home. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do if its not working and needing a sitter while I work. My mom was a stay at home growing up and my sister is a stay at home wife and has been trying to get pregnant.

My mom also recently got diagnosed with cancer and is getting chemo injections.

I feel so stressed out and I just don’t know what to do.

I went to see my best friend two weekends ago up north and the drive cost more than I was expecting, i planned on spending $200 total but the drive cost about $300 total. But i just needed to be with someone who genuinely wants me around. I get so depressed being nothing to anyone but the provider and the one with the babies.

I was so happy when i was visiting her. It made me sad to come back to my lonely life.

Sometimes i like to buy things when I get depressed. I got my tax return and bought myself 2 candles for $40 and a $25 gym membership.

That’s it and my mom guilted me for spending money on myself and said she hasn’t had the money to buy herself shampoo or get gas. Ive given her every thing other than buying those two things. I got annoyed that she didn’t tell me we needed things until she saw I bought myself something and then blew up on me.

My kids dad isn’t working right now and I could technically ask him to watch the kids while I work, but I don’t want to change the custody schedule. My mom would also still need help because she doesn’t have any income. I just get frustrated that I’m in such a tough spot and my mom decided to use me as an employment opportunity and now i feel stuck. I know the county has subsidized childcare programs and my exs family has said they would watch the kids while I work for free but I don’t know what to do about my mom needing help and I don’t want to show my ex my vulnerability and lose custody over this. Im trying so hard and hate that taking a small weekend trip to see my best friend and buying 2 candles and a gym membership is making me feel like a selfish devil. I just want to exist outside working and providing. I want to be allowed to be a mom and have my own life that’s not intertwined with anyone else. I need freedom to live.

I don’t want to be my moms provider but I feel like I have no other choice.

I also have adhd and i feel like managing money and expenses is one of the things i struggle with. Ive always had a partner to manage that for me and now im learning to do it alone but tired of constantly being treated like I don’t do anything for anyone when i do everything i can for everyone but without communication I don’t know what’s going wrong.

Am i sweet or salty ?

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