He thought he was helping (TW hysterectomy mentioned)

I had my son recently and afterwards I had to had a hysterectomy. It’s been hard. My incision is healed so that struggle is over. Now it’s just life with a newborn and a toddler.

My husband set himself up in his office with an air mattress. He works from home so he literally will roll out of bed and start work. He feeds our son the first night feed (12-2am) and then I handle everything else.

Lately he’s been feeding him him before 12 and putting him to bed. I’m so exhausted. My son is on a high calorie formula so it’s caused him to be extremely gas and act colicky. We can’t switch him and his pedi said just to deal with it till he’s off it.

So I don’t go to bed until at least 11 because I’m also dealing with my toddler adjusting to baby brother, potty training and just going through the terrible 3s. I’m exhausted. Not just newborn phase exhausted. My husband gets to sleep solid stretches and I’m getting some here/there. He’ll say “well at least you get to sleep on a mattress.” I’m also the one who’s getting our toddler when they’re waking up early in the morning. When he goes to sleep he knows exactly when he gets to sleep till. In a quiet room all to himself. On the weekends he’s been sleeping till 11/12 o’clock. Maybe one day a week will he grab the kids and let me sleep an extra a hour or two on top of the maybe 3/4 I’m getting.

Today really made me upset. He told me “well this is the last time you’re ever going to have to do it.” What the heck… I’ve been crying or the loss of my uterus for a couple months. I wanted to have another baby. I always wanted 3. He knows how hard it’s been but always makes comments like this. “Enjoy your maternity pants for the last time!”, “he’s your last newborn”.

On top of that having sex is uncomfortable and he knows it. He still asks or makes the move every other night. Last night he told me he feels like he just shouldn’t even try because I’m not that into it. I’m not into it because the muscles in my vagina for some reason tightened up after birth. My doctor did an exam and said so too. I’m supposed to start physical therapy for pelvic floor help next month. I want to be close to him but when it feels like sandpaper it’s a little hard to do sir!

I know going from 1 to 2 kids is a transition and this is normal. But he’s not helping at all. He works and I don’t so I KNOW this is my (not) job. I’m just so exhausted right now. Being tired and feeling like a failing mother and wife is weighing on me.