Alcoholic husband

This isn't about what u can do for him.. he has to want to change.. there's nothing u can do for him.. and u have to put urself first.

I’m sorry you are going through this . This happend to me with one of my childrens father . It was clear to me even before she was born that I needed more peace than he could provide . It quickly became too much . If I’d have stayed my life would be so sad now .

I’ve been there with myself with a partner, who is an alcoholic, the bottom line was a DUI, and that was it for me. I wasn’t married to him, he had proposed, but thank God, I never married him, boy did I dodged a bullet, he never grew up. I only found all this out because I was one of his steps from AA to make amends to people that he hurt. I’ve been with a guy that you feel bad for her and you want to help and you want to take care of him and you wanna make things easier for him etc. whether it’s guilt or manipulation or whatever else we’re staying together for the sake of the kids, the bottom line is, you deserve better. He should want to help himself, he should want to make things better for you and for the kids. I had a friend who’s 46 years old, he started at 19 with drugs and alcohol, and struggled all these years. He’s finally the last maybe four years gotten actually sober for the first time because his little daughter shamed him you don’t smell like my daddy. And that was enough to finally be shamed by a child to finally cut the crap. If he wanted help, he would reach out himself, he doesn’t want the help, until he hits rock-bottom, and God knows how many times he’s gonna have to hit rock bottom before he wakes up and smells the coffee, you can’t help those who don’t wanna help themselves and that’s the bottom line. I know you love him, I’ve been there myself more than once, but it’s a roller coaster of emotions and financially and mentally and emotionally and eventually you get tired of the ride and want off. And there is nothing wrong with you wanting off the ride because of what they do. And if he tries to guilt, you or manipulate you or make you feel bad for your decision, boy is he pointing the finger at the wrong person. All of his poor choices are affecting you and his family and the people around him. And unfortunately, it is a selfish disease, and sometimes it stays with you your entire life. Some people can quit and never go back and some people can’t. It’s a vicious cycle of in and out of rehab and Problems with the cops, and with his drivers license in car, accidents etc. I’ve been there, my friend has been there, and never again. I only date people who have their life together. I don’t want anyone who’s gonna drag me down, who is going to suck me dry from my bank account or my sanity or anything else. If we’re not evenly matched, I don’t go there. I am not carrying anyone. I am not mothering anyone I am not looking for a project, I am looking for a partner who is my equal and I’m sorry, but never again. And I feel like you’re at the same breaking point that I was years ago. And you’re realizing that this is the most draining relationship And that you deserve better, and it’s not fair to you, or those around him. And whether you do interventions or force him to go to rehab, or he ends up in jail, or anything else, unfortunately, he’s gonna have to hit rock bottom before he finally cut the crap. I have a kid from my church who ended up in jail and he’s been in jail for years now because he killed a kid drunk, driving a college friend. I think either hit somebody in another car, and that person died or something to that nature and he didn’t want anyone driving his new car after him being drunk and he ended up killing someone and it was a person with a lot of money and he’s in jail I think for well over 10 years now. The bottom line is you deserve better. I don’t know if you have kids, but they deserve better as well. And it royally sucks that we feel as women that we have to support these people through thick and thin and I don’t feel the same. What do they are trying to escape reality or whatever the excuse not feel things or number or anything else, the alcoholic I was with he was a self Harmer as well, it was one thing or another with him. And I couldn’t wait to get off that ride. I did another guy like I said, who had all kinds of issues and I used to call it broken bird, Bird syndrome they would flock to me really to clean them up and basically clean them up for the next person. Never again. You deserve somebody who caters to you and loves you, and makes every effort and sacrifice and compromise to better your relationship and to be supportive of each other, and not for you to be completely drained to the point of whatever it may be, that’s the final straw that breaks the camels back. Enough is enough. Do not feel guilty walking away, do not feel guilty, leaving him with his parents, or psychiatric treatment center or the police or anything else because a violent person is not somebody you want to be around, somebody you can’t depend on. And God forbid he gets in an accident with the kids in the car. If you have them, I had that happen with several of my clients. One guy with each of his sons, got in trouble with alcohol and had a car accident with the kids in the car. I hope that you can find peace. I hope that you can find support maybe an Al-Anon meeting for yourself for people who support or people who have to deal with alcoholics so they have somewhere to have support themselves. I hope you can find comfort and peace and support and love and I hope things get better for you. I wish you the best of luck.

Hi there, I feel your pain and struggle, I know how tough it is. While im not married, I have a kid and am pregnant and I can relate. Alcoholism is such a nasty, fickle disease. Heres a link to an app. Al-Anon for Family Groups, it’s for people like us that are or have been affected by alcoholism. If you are in an urgent situation I suggest you go to a police station. Otherwise I highly suggest you try out this app, they have active virtual and in person meetings around the country everyday. As well as a newsfeed wall to post or gain support by sponsors and people in similar situations you are. Your feelings are valid and youre not alone 🙌https://apps.apple.com/us/app/al-anon-family-groups/id1493951058If you live in the states and ever need to vent, dial the number 988, its a 24/7 call line where a counselor can listen to you, provide support, and advice. I hope you find the help YOU need, you’ll get through this. ✨🤍

As a recovering alcoholic/addict I can tell you nothing you can say or do will make him stop until he decides he’s done. I know it’s hard not to take it personal, meaning you feel like if you do or say the right thing, give the right ultimatum, or if he loves you enough…he’ll stop. But, it’s not about you. Addiction is a very selfish disease. You’d be shocked at how our brains can rationalize. For a lot of people they really have to get to a bad place before they have the desire to turn things around. If he’s hurting you, you may just need to leave. I’m not a fan of divorce so I’m not saying that’s the level you need to go to (if you do it’s none of my business of course) but you might have to step away until he gets it together. And he may very well choose to keep drinking, or he may decide it’s time to be done. I suggest finding an Al-anon meeting to attend. You’d be surprised how helpful it can be to talk to others going through what you are.

Yes my ex was the same way i left

He has to want to be sober, and it will probably have to done through detox depending on how long he has been drinking. Again he has to want it, If he doesn’t then you have to decide what’s best for you. Good luck, I wish the best for you, I’ve been through this myself with my ex husband