Hey everyone!

Mostly posting to rant, and get these intense feelings off my chest.

I’m fricken mad.

I’m a new mom, three weeks postpartum, and I’m the angriest I’ve ever been.

I’m typically the world’s most happy, optimistic person; but recently I’ve been angry, resentful and so beyond irritable. I recognize these are symptoms or postpartum depression, and am working towards talking with a therapist who specializes in the area - but until then, here we are.

I sat on the end of my bed this morning, rocking the baby thinking about how much I hate my husband (even though I love him dearly!), and hate my life right now. I just kept thinking - I’m so sick and tired of this, I’m done, and I don’t want to be here/do this anymore. Not that I want to die necessarily, but that I 100% do not want to live this specific life, anymore.

I regret having a baby, even though I love her with all my heart.

All I want to do is cry, and scream at anyone and everyone.

It feels like people know I’m not okay (husband has actually voiced many times about how he worries I’ll hurt our baby), but this is “normal” for women to go through after birth, it’ll pass, so it doesn’t matter.

I hate everything about my life right now and need help from my husband with chores, and the baby. But he can’t even get up at a previously discussed time with the baby to allow me a little extra sleep. He has his moments where he will take her from me and give me a little break to shower or something - but it’s rare. He’s left me every morning for the past three weeks, for HOURS to go and do things like help his dad build things, work on his truck, or mow his grandad’s lawn. He doesn’t have to ask to do anything - but I have to ask to even use the restroom. (NOTE: he works full time during the week).

I know I’m just rambling at this point - but just feeling alone, sad, angry, and tired of doing it.

Thanks for listening/reading. ❤️