Me and my husband are separated but still live together and it's been a hell of a year. My husband has always had issues with suicide attempts and self harming. We delt with it our entire relationship and I found out it stemmed from him being sent to gay conversion therapy. His sister told me. He had started having crushes on boys when he was 6 and openly said so. His parents had him sent to gay conversion therapy for years and when they finally broke him into a shell of who he used to be. When he felt empty. He assumed that meant he was cured. That he was straight. He had a melt down when I told him what his sister told me. Assuring me he was cured. I convinced him to see a real therapist which he was scared of because he was so traumatized by conversion therapy. He eventually did. His parents said awful things and he started hurting himself again but after a LOT of therapy and cutting off his parents he's made a lot of progress and is openly gay. I've been on a few dates and nothing really worked out. Tonight I decided to take my husband out to a gay club. He has said he doesn't know if he could date a man because of all the shame he was taught to feel. But we went out for fun. A guy asked to buy him a drink. We all talked and he got tipsy. The guy asked him to dance and I told him to go for it. I sat by myself. A girl bought me a drink. After about 15 minutes I see my husband and that guy make out. And while I'm happy for him. That he's healing. I can't help but just feel sad. I know this wasn't his fault. Conversion therapy is extremely manipulative and he loved most of his life suicidal and depressed because of it. I guess I'm still mourning what we had. I'm in therapy and working through things but I just feel like I'm being selfish for being sad. I'm happy for it. He got the guys number and in the car I told him to go get laid and we laughed. But there's a part of me that's still mourning what we had. Am I selfish?

Edit: I don't really think he led me on. At least not intentionally. I think it's more nuanced than that. He as a kid was put in "therapy" and told her could be straight. He was broken down to a shell of a person and manipulated into thinking he was "cured". It wasn't a situation where he married me for cover up and was sleeping with guys on the side behind my back. He took be broken as being cured and I know he never intended to hurt me.