Hi all, I need to vent before I end up going into full panic mode again. I know I may get judged for this I won’t tell the full story it’s too long to type but I’ll cut the corners to the main points of why I feel the way I do about my child’s father. Long story short, when we dated ( before pregnancy) it was a goofy relationship like best friends, then I ended up pregnant mind you he’s my first actual boyfriend so I was new to a lot of things. And he never told me he came in me. He did it and didn’t say anything about it, and I didn’t know obviously, but I also had irregular periods at the time due to a cyst on my ovary at 19. But I found out I was pregnant and he wasn’t surprised at all, said how much he wants the child and gonna be there. He goes to another state for “work”. My first pregnancy is high risk. So for the longest I was basically single felt like, and he came back in December ( my birth month) and said he was sorry he barely was there physically and now he’s here ( my son was born January) and he signed the birth certificate ( worst mistake ever ) threatened me in the NICU, raped me after our son came home, cheated on me gave me a std and threatened to kill me and threw me across the room because I found out he cheated. I left him, he moved to another state and been absent pretty much ever since. He pops in and out about 6-12 months barely that over text. My son is 4 and only seen his “ dad “ maybe 3 times his whole life. Other than that all he does is text to verbally harass me if he does text. I know this is bad to say but I wish he would die. I hate him. I did not know he would ever switch to be this way towards me. I’m happily engaged to my partner and my bd threatens me on Father’s Day because he didn’t get a text from me. I pressed charges this year. Now my bd wants to keep his child for the weekend ( July 12-14) but I do not trust him. I said you could see him for a few hours because even my son said he don’t wanna go there but my bd and his mom thinks it’s a lie or excuse. So he calls me a whore, bitch and saying how much he hates me but wants him for the weekend. Am I wrong for wanting him to die?