My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years and engaged for 6. I remember one of the first convos we had about marriage, which was about 4 months into our relationship, 3 months before we moved in together. He said he saw himself marrying me, and I felt the same way. We had openly discussed our wants and needs very early on. We have built a home together, have a wonderful dog, and have helped raise each other’s children for 9 years now.

Overall we have a good relationship, we both work hard to provide for ourselves and our children. I love him wholeheartedly, but he has backed out on marrying me at least 3 times now.

He agreed to another wedding date and I put a down payment on an officiant for a date this October, which we had agreed to, and now he’s backing out again. I even suggested a commitment ceremony, and he still doesn’t want to do it. Like he’ll tell me “we can do that” and then nothing ever comes of it. He doesn’t tell me exactly why, he just asks me “Will marriage make our relationship better or will it make you happier?” I asked him if he thinks our relationship needs to better or if he’s unhappy, and he says not at all, that he can’t imagine me not being in his life and that I’m his life partner. Marriage isn’t more important than our relationship, but I feel like some form of trickery has been at play here. It has made it hard for me to trust him in other aspects.

I am hurt and I would never string him on or make him feel the way he has made me feel. What hurts the most is that I feel like he’s not honest and doesn’t communicate exactly what he wants and needs. I have always done this. I am just really in my feelings right now. This has been a big blow to my heart. 💔