Me and my wife tried for a baby for 6 years. We went through rounds of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a>. Then <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. Surgeries on both parts because we both had fertility issues.

We finally got pregnant. And it was a boy. Everything was everything we could have ever wanted and it all fell apart because of a doctor's negligence. After she had the baby she had a lot of pain in her left leg.

The doctor had the belief that she may have a blood clot but then said it was probably nothing. She did have a blood clot and we ended up back in the hospital less than 48 hours after being discharged and passed away. We have been in a lawsuit because of this and they're trying to settle. But our son is 3 months now and I don't know if I can handle it anymore.

I'm not doing a good job with him. I've been getting donated breast milk from a person I met through a Facebook group who oversupplied and she was donating it. She lives almost an hour away. I brought back a bunch of breast milk and I ended up accidentally dropping the box and 3 backs leaked out. I feel awful and I love him. But he has no mom. I ruined some of his breast milk. He had to go to daycare for 4 weeks because my paternity leave was so short.

Luckily I found a daycare that takes kids as young as birth. But this isn't how I wanted things to go for him. I'm thinking maybe I'm not giving him the life he deserves and if I should just put him up for adoption to a family that has two parents so he can have a mom. I feel like I've failed my wife and my son. I don't want to keep failing him. I'm depressed. I haven't properly grieved my wife. There's a lawsuit and I can't do shit right.