I want to tell him why I’m sad. Why I’ve been crying almost every night since mid-December. Why I no longer linger in the kids clothes section of Primark or Target. Why I’m so hyper focused on making sure my dog is taking care of. Why I’m trying to keep myself busy. Why I laugh so hard sometimes, I burst into tears.

I want to tell him that since we’ve lost our baby, I’ve been trying so hard to save face. I didn’t want to put more on his plate. I didn’t want to be his burden. I didn’t want to traumatize him again. I don’t know how I can move forward. I don’t even know how we could move forward.

I just have all these thoughts, questions and feelings that are so bottled up, that even therapy sessions twice a week can only do but so much.