I feel so guilty feeling this way… please tell me if I’m being a terrible mother.

My husband and I have a 3 month old, she’s our only child. After birth, I had a severe postpartum hemorrhage and lost nearly 40% of my blood volume. Almost died. Needed 5-6 blood transfusions. Have had a tough recovery and found out about a week ago that I have an infection that I have probably had since a month after having my daughter.

My husband does not help me, nor does he want to help me. He says that it is not his responsibility to help me with the house or our daughter since I do not have a job. Which I get it, most of the responsibility falls on me, but like his parents have told him, he gets breaks and vacation time with his job, I do not.

Thankfully, my MIL and mom are very helpful when they have free time. They have cleaned and cooked for me when I haven’t been able to. Taken me to multiple doctors appointments and made sure I have what I need in order to be strong enough to care for my daughter.

My life revolves around my husbands wants and needs. He doesn’t care about anything I need or want and hasn’t for some months now. My MIL offered to watch our daughter for the night last night so I could rest and get some me time. I needed to clean the house and wanted to shower and take care of myself. My husband had me do what he wanted to do and I did not get anything done. He wouldn’t help me with the house or anything… my MIL said that we could pick her up anytime today, she was in no hurry, so if I wanted to do something fun or just hang out at the house to please do it and take care of myself. Well my husband had us pick her up first thing this morning and said I didn’t need a break and then said well I guess I’ll help you today. But I know he won’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything in this world and I prayed to have her for three years of trying.

I am so burnt out and worn out, and I feel like my body is working against me. I feel so guilty for being upset that we picked our daughter up early, and I feel guilty for wanting a break.

Please no hateful comments, as I’m already dealing with enough…