I was invited by a man whom I’m interested in to go drinking with him and a couple of other people. I rarely drink but I wanted to let loose and be drunk for once (I’m usually DD). Well I got too drunk and one of the people who were drinking with us took full advantage of that. I woke up, not having a clue how I had gotten where I was. The guy I was interested in dipped, was super mad at me for the situation (I do understand that) and I was left there with a man whom I had just met. I don’t sleep around either. I’ve had one sexual partner in my life and that was a boyfriend of over 3 years so this was extremely alarming to me. I did have sex with that man last night. I don’t remember it but my body aches and I woke up with no clothes on so.. I guess at one point in the night when I had been taken to another room, I had texted the man I’m interested in and said “I’m scared”. He saw it when he got home but never came back.

I haven’t stopped crying. I feel so numb and disgusting. I feel like I’ve been violated in the most awful way. And I feel like my chances of ever being with the guy I was interested in (who was interested in me too) are entirely screwed up now. I still can’t get past how everyone saw how drunk I was, to the point where I could barely stand on my own two feet, and they left me alone with that man. I don’t know what to do. I took a Plan B because I’m certain he didn’t use a condom, I’m making an appointment soon to make sure I wasn’t given any STDs.

This is not who I am. These aren’t choices I’d ever make sober. It is a big reason I never get super drunk to begin with is because I hate feeling out of body and having no memory. I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I lost a big part of me.