I don’t know what to do about it. We are both bi women, we’ve been together for about 2 months now. For the most part it’s been amazing. But I am autistic and have been getting sensory overload, burn outs, and full meltdowns way more than ever before since being with her. I am quiet and introverted and mostly keep to myself. She is very outgoing and is always talking to other people.

Here are some things that we’ve discussed and worked on together. She is very loud, always turns the tv up very loud, always has every light on. She would always leave her ringer on all night getting notifications. When she would watch videos/reels on her phone she always had the volume up really high. We work opposite shifts (her 1st, me 3rd) so when she would get up for work I would only be asleep for 1-2hrs. She would always purposefully wake me up and ask me to sit with her while she gets ready. This would keep me up for hours after whether I actually got up or not.

Now, a lot of this has improved. But she still wakes me up (when she spends the night) when she leaves for work just for a kiss goodbye. This still keeps me awake for a long time after. I’m a very light sleeper and it takes me ages to fall asleep. I’ve started wearing earplugs and a blackout eye mask to bed. She still can be very loud at times, but she tries to dial it down when she can see it’s bothering me.

The current issue that keeps causing me lots of stress is the fact that she’s always talking to people. I’ve only ever dated other like introverted people. She is texting multiple people 24/7 aside from when she’s sleeping. Most of the time I don’t know who she’s talking to, which stresses me out. She runs a local group on Facebook and is always randomly meeting up with these people and hanging out with them, frequently whoever she goes to hang out with is someone she’s never met before. I hate not knowing who she’s with, but the part that makes it worse is that since she’s on her phone nonstop it’s always dying. She goes out with these random people, doesn’t tell me where she’s going or who she’s with, then her phone dies and I don’t hear anything from her for hours. She did this a few days ago and it was on a work night when she’s normally in bed by 10pm. She didn’t get home until ~1am and her phone was dead the whole time. I was freaking out thinking something bad happened. She texted me once she plugged her phone in and acted like it was nothing. I told her how worried and stressed I was and she brushed it off like it was nothing. The stress from that sent me into a full meltdown where I went completely nonverbal and laid in bed for two days.

My problem is that I feel like I have no right to tell her not to hang out with people. And I don’t feel like I have any right to ask her who exactly she’s hanging out with either. But this is multiple times a week where she goes out and I have no idea who she’s with. She does meetups and doesn’t even know whose all going to show up. I’m going to talk to her about it I just don’t know what to say. I have asked her to keep her phone charged better but I don’t think she’s going to keep up with it.

How do we like meet in the middle here? I can’t stand it the way that it is right now, this is way too stressful for me.