Feeling all kinds of ways

So I (31f) have been my husband (37m) for 7 years, married for 5. I just had our 4th child together (my 5th) just a little over 2 weeks ago. Ever since then, my husband has been wanting to be intimate again. I want to be to, but I have no desire to do anything. Or rather, anything with him. Don't get me wrong, I love the man, but some of the spark has definitely faded over the recent years. It hurts, knowing that if he ever truly left me I'd be perfectly fine with it. Sometimes I look at him and fall a little more in love with him, other times I am completely indifferent. I don't know why this is happening to me. I can't really tell anybody about how I'm feeling, because no one I personally know would actually understand. I'm starting therapy tomorrow, but what can I do in the meantime? I've been on the edge of separation/divorce for months now because of the indifference but as soon as I start looking into the paperwork it makes me want to fight for my marriage even more.