Some context: in November i (then 22, now 23), said goodbye to a 3 1/2 year long relationship. I didn't process the breakup until around march and i didn't fully start grieving the relationship until closer to may. I have some issues with managing and processing Big Emotions, so even though i give hard lines on when i started to process and grieve the relationship, it really was a situation where I'd think about it, it'd tank my mental for a couple days and then I'd be over it for a couple weeks. Over and over again. In May though, i think i started to accept that things were really over and now i think I'm ready to move on. I recently had a fling with a friend I've had a small ebbing and flowing crush on for a few months post breakup. I've known him for 2yrs, and we have good conversations and chemistry. This was the first time i have been intimate with someone in 9 months. I also don't feel the urge to masturbate really at all since the breakup. It just feels... pointless. I think i can count on my fingers how many times i have since the breakup. When it came down to getting dirty with my friend, making out with him, and heavy petting, i was into it, but the actual sensations were lacking. I enjoyed some of it, but the experience was overall pretty clumsy on both ends. He has little sexual experience (which is genuinely fine, i don't fault him, he was a gentleman and tried to work with me) while I've had a fair amount and yet my composure completely fell apart. Stuttering, being really shy and feeling really embarrassed toward the end. I'm still kinda embarrassed and hope that he doesn't think that im genuinely bad at intimacy. Generally speaking, even if it was the heat of the moment, i don't mind the experience. The thing that bothers me about it is moreso that i was having trouble really physically feeling good even though i really wanted it. The usual things that turn me on (kissing, nipple play, the physical weight of another body eclipsing mine etc.) Didn't feel as good as they usually do. It's like i had no nerve endings in those areas. My neck was pretty much the only surefire place that felt good. Ive had flings in the past that felt good, whereas ive had no trouble at all enjoying myself but this time was different. I'm worried that i may be a little "broken" becuase I'm so used to my old partner and his way of doing things. I don't want it to get in the way of connecting with this new partner. Some advice "reprogramming" myself to enjoy sexual activities would steller if anyone can help. Thank you.