So unhappy right now..

Needed somewhere to have a little rant… been feeling really self conscious lately as I am quite overweight and I had dinner say around 5ish and I had some food that needed cooking and eating so I was going to eat it around 10ish, I have 3 daughters with my partner of 11 years one of which is a 10 month old baby that just doesn’t sleep well, so I’m trying to eat this food whilst the baby is climbing all over me and he just sits there doing nothing and when I say can he not look after her whilst I eat this he makes a little comment at me saying well you have already had dinner tonight anyway, which to me felt like a little dig basically saying I’m just being greedy I don’t even need it and it’s make me feel really crappy. I am on the waiting list for an asd assessment, I struggle with my mental health and I have a lot of insecurities and him making comments at me like that make me feel really insecure it’s not the first time he does it quite often then says I’m taking it the wrong way he meant nothing by it, so now it’s 11pm the baby has gone to bed the food has gone in the bin I haven’t touched any of it, I’m quite hungry and now I feel really upset by all of this. I’ve struggled so much to lose weight over the years and for shitty comments like you don’t need to eat that or you have already eaten and all you want to do is go and eat make me feel fat, now I’m in bed crying cause I feel really fat, I feel like just starving myself then maybe he won’t make these comments at me anymore!! I have no one to talk to so I needed to write this down somewhere and if anyone says just talk to him and tell him how I feel I have tried and he just tells me to grow up. Just sick of life right now to be perfectly honest.