I feel in over my head and I know I will be judged... I have been married for 11 years with 2 amazing children, 8 and 11. We decided on one more about 6 years ago and have tried off and on since then. We have always had unprotected sex and he never has pulled out. I believe we both gave up and accepted we just couldn't have another. I started focusing on my health and have recently lost a lot of weight. I really felt like I had found myself again after putting me on the back burner for my family. Then a month ago everything changed. We had a very positive test followed by confirmed ultrasound and bloodwork. I was very excited. My husband was terrified. We barely talked about this except for a few comments here and there. I have Dr anxiety and hate for anyone to see me privately. I feel like I will be letting my kids down by having a new baby. We was planning to move within the next year and now I feel like that is impossible. I have had both my children naturally without epidurals and I am terrified this will not be the same. I have had to see a new OB and she is already pushing me for things I don't want and prescribing meds with me telling her I don't have nausea or heart burn. I can't go to a midwife because I'm high risk and the next OB is over an hour away. We had discussed abortion at first but then my husband said he really didn't want that. I didn't think I did either, but now I'm drowning in my worries. If I bring it up to him he will shut down on me and that will be the only option. He was entirely uninvolved with our 2nd baby but he recently went through life changes that I see a major difference in him as a husband and he ensures me he will be different with this baby but I am fearful. I feel like I am drowning. At first I tried to talk about nurseries and baby names and he was so overwhelmed he just shut it down. Now he is trying to talk and I'm completely uninterested. I feel no joy or interest in this pregnancy and I keep telling myself in my head it isn't real. I have to do a dating transvaginal ultrasound this week and I just feel so much dread. What do I do?