I am so confused as his words are not matching his actions, however he always has “genuine” reasons and also he hasn’t been in a serious relationship before due to the nature of his work and how busy he is..

However, I felt like I got more from him as friends? (friends turned recent lovers)

He has spent years being there for me, putting in the effort, buying me gifts on special occasions or randomly just to make me smile, told me he was in love with me years ago and says how in love with me he is anytime we are together and he lists off why. When I first agreed to take the risk to see where things would go, he made the effort to make plans/dates/see me, send me flowers etc. he would talk to me frequently and check in randomly during the day with “thinking of you ❤️” when we did talk I had his undivided attention. He would also call me at night and talk to me while I tidied up to reset for the next day/do stretches etc.

Now I barely hear from him. Conversations are so short and disjointed. He’ll go 17+ hours before I hear from him, usually it’s just the day or 5+ hours etc. He was recently on holidays and I thought amazing! A chance to reconnect because work has been SO busy!

I barely heard from him still… it wasn’t until I pointed it out and got upset he made more of an effort but even then it was nothing like it used to be.. I haven’t had a phone call with him since the first few weeks transitioning from friends to dating.

Fast forward to the holiday being over, he tells me he will come and see me straight from the airport as he has missed me. He arrived hours later. He did seem genuinely happy to see me and again said all the right things. He sounded like he gave the most genuine “I love you” like I felt it to my core.. but also it was the first time engaging in anything sexual.. so did he just say that because he wanted me? (It was his idea to hold off sex the last few months, still haven’t had sex, but engaged in foreplay)

I just feel his words don’t match his actions and all I can think of is “if he wanted to; he would!”

The fact it’s now me setting up days to see each other and planning the next date which he isn’t even offering full confirmation on, just saying let him get past this next busy period (this next week)

Yes I know his job is busy but no I don’t think it’s a suitable excuse. His phone is on him and used at work, I feel it takes 2 seconds to reply or send a message, or communicate, hey today’s going to be flat out. I’ll talk to you tonight. He doesn’t even send good morning or good nights anymore, just responds to mine.

I can’t work out if he chased me for so many years now he has me he has either lost interest or doesn’t feel he needs to put in the effort now? Do I need to back off and just not talk to him anymore and let him put in the effort or fizzle out?

Or if he just genuinely doesn’t know how to relationship. Anytime I bring my concerns to him he reflects, takes accountability, apologises and does better for a couple of days before “something” else comes up and he is busy and stressed again and goes back to barely speaking to me or putting in the effort.

I feel I’ve now lost my best friend and that makes me feel sad. I don’t know if I stick it out until his work settles down and see if things improve, or if I just cut ties and lose my best friend and a potential of a future together.

It was hard not to romanticise him when he is telling all his friends I’m his future wife and telling them about me, he has spoken to his family about me too which peaked their interest as he has never brought a women to meet his family before or even talked about one. I’m also friends with one of his siblings.

He told me he wanted to marry me, build a life with me, be there for me and my children, and hopefully have 1-2 of our own. He has said all the right things to me and all our values, morals and goals align.

I feel like his inconsistency and how upset it’s has me feeling on multiple occasions is no longer in my head and it’s likely because it’s actually what is happening and maybe he isn’t my soul mate like we always claimed we were for each other 😭 I feel like it should be this hard only a few months in..

We have such a long deep beautiful history together as friends, this is a really hard pill to swallow… because I know, if he wanted to..he would 😪❤️‍🩹