I love my husband and he is honestly my soul mate. However he does have a good bit of past trauma that he is working through. The most significant thing is intense anger issues. He has never physical hurt me or anyone else but he has thrown things and punched holes in walls and such. He’s gotten a lot better recently because I refuse to put up with it or give him the satisfaction of showing fear. I’ve made it clear if he continued like that I would not be around and I would not hesitate with that. Like I said he’s gotten much better but still has his moments. He also is overwhelmed and flustered very easy. And lashes out at me when this happens. Most of the time when something is flustering or over stimulating him I have to handle it myself and tell him to leave the room not out of meanness but because the negativity of him trying to help me and over dramatizing the event makes it much harder for me to complete whatever task it is when I could do it calmly and quickly by myself. He has trouble doing chores or completing household tasks I ask him for help with. We both work so I can’t do all the household chores by myself. Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth just asking him for help. We both have a dog with us and on one occasion the dog tripped down a hill when he was running and whimpered and limped when he got up. We both were alarmed because it looked like he got hurt. My husband immediately started saying “oh no no no” repeatedly and louder each time just standing there freaking out while I rushed over to the dog to make sure he was okay (the dog is 100% fine just to clarify). I had to calm my husband down in order to look at the dog because he got so loud. I tried to talk to him after about when something is wrong and needs our immediate attention, it’s better not to freak out or be emotional until your sure you have reacted properly. I know I have my faults too but I really feel like if we were to have a child I would be able to ride to them. But I just worry about my husband because I feel so nervous about having children someday with this man because of how he acts. He would get upset or angry if he has to change its diaper and it’s crying, he would get over stimulated and get angry. I’m worried about if God forbid something bad happens like the baby chokes or something and he just freaks out and isn’t able to help it. I’m worried about a child growing up with a father who has anger issues and isn’t able to take charge of situations.

Don’t get me wrong I love my husband more than life itself, but sometimes he is someone I have to help teach and help him through emotions and how to not be a jerk whenever he is overstimulated and I feel like I don’t want to do that to a child or to myself because it would mostly just be me taking care of the child which I know many women do but I also need to take care of him and his reactions to everyday life. We both have talked in length about us wanting children and we are not actively trying but thinking about it someday. I just feel like I’m not comfortable of that with him unless he has some major growth changes. I also feel it’s unfair to my Husband for me to have these thoughts so maybe I am just in the wrong and everybody has issues adjusting to being a parent?

If you have read this far through I want to thank you for letting me get my thoughts out. I know there’s lots of moms on here who I might have any advice?