*Lengthy post ahead…

I’m 24 (f) and my boyfriend is 32. We have been in a relationship almost 3 years and definitely have had our ups and downs. I’m at an age where I’m really trying to get to know myself and what I want out of a relationship, and my boyfriend may very well have already gone through this stage years ago. Lately I’ve been feeling touch deprived in a really empty and lonely way. He definitely touches me but it’s almost always feels sexual. For example, he rubs my legs but always goes for my butt or my privates. Or if I’m getting dressed he’ll go for a feel of my boobs. I’m not bothered by this, or I wouldn’t be if this weren’t the only time he touched me. We sometimes hug in the morning when either of us is leaving for work but it feels more routine than a genuine wanted hug if that makes sense. I never thought of myself as a touchy feely person but I’ve been craving innocent touches like hugs and forehead kisses and caresses. And being someone with anxiety, having that comfort is so important to me. I could honestly cry how badly I want and long for this. I’ve told him I wished he touched me more in this way but he usually brushes it off and makes it seem like I just don’t like when he touches me sexually because I don’t like him. I hate that it’s gotten to the point where my mind trails off and imagines someone holding me (no I’m not thinking of cheating, they’re characters from books not anyone I know). I really don’t know what to do other than just get over it. I don’t know if I can qualify this as a need that’s not being met or if I’m just setting unrealistic standards from all the books I read.